


Take Me

by TamChronin



Category: Cardcaptor Sakura
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-12-27
Updated: 2007-06-12
Packaged: 2019-06-12 20:20:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 28,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15347931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TamChronin/pseuds/TamChronin
Summary: Yukito and Yue have slowly merged into one person, and Touya can't help but wonder how much of the person he fell in love with is even left.  They've been together for years, but now they're drifting apart.  Sakura makes a birthday wish, and Touya finds himself taken back in time to when Yue was young, and Clow was alive.  Will Touya realize who he really loves, and where does that leave Clow?





	1. Lost

### Touya

It was nothing like I'd been expecting.  As time went on, slowly but surely Yue was taking over Yukito.  The smiles came less often, and the silences grew.  He was still kind to me, still grateful to me--and I couldn't help but wonder if that gratitude was the wedge between us.  Or, to be more specific, if the reason for his gratitude might be the reason he was growing more distant as time drew on.

You see, I'd given my magic so that Yuki would live.  In the end though, I suppose that was a futile wish, because the simple fact that Yuki knew about Yue began to negate the spell that kept Yuki from knowing the truth.  Now, piece by piece, he was fading from my eyes again.

"To-ya?"  He smiled up at me across the table, but his eyes were reserved and the smile just wasn't as wide as I remembered.

"Oh, sorry.  Just thinking."  I frowned down at the book before me and tried yet again to concentrate the complex formula before me.  "It says to mix the dry ingredients first, the add the milk, eggs, and sugar--that still seems wrong to me.  Sugar is dry."

Instead of teasing me about saying that every time, he pierced me with a look.  That's one of the things that had changed right there.  He didn't have patience for my teasing anymore, though he'd been a ray of sunshine before.  Some things didn't change, but others left me wondering who I was with now.  And, just when I'd started to seriously think Yuki might love me the way I loved him, this began to happen.  I'd started to feel safe with Yuki, but I had no way to know what Yue thought of me.

"Just read the directions, To-ya.  I want to get this cake done in time for the party."

A few weeks ago, it would have been a cake just to share.  He'd stopped eating a little while ago though, since it technically did nothing to help his energy, and as such was a waste of his time and resources.  He was technically right, sure.  He existed by magic alone, so if anyone had to eat more it was me, or increasingly, Sakura.  I didn't care about that though.  Yuki enjoyed food, just for the experience of the taste, and I found it harder and harder to accept this change.

Maybe he did too.  This was the first time he was cooking since he decided to forego food entirely.

"Here, let me mix that for you.  Two minutes on medium, it said."  I smiled at him, hoping he would just let me do this.

"Sure, I'll just go grease and flour the pan."  He smiled wanly again, and I knew that Yuki was in there somewhere.  Yue wouldn't have tried to smile.  Yue wouldn't have thought of baking a cake for Sakura's birthday...at least, not before Kero did.  It was easier to see what was missing though, while my heart broke in slow and careful stages.

I tried not to think about it as I ran the mixer, just getting the clumps out, and when his attention was elsewhere, I deliberately smeared batter on my nose.

"Okay, that's done," I called out with a grin, waiting for his reaction.

"I'm almost--"

He froze when he saw me.  His lips quirked almost against his will, and he set the pan down immediately.  "To-ya, you have..." he trailed off, gesturing toward his own nose.

I played dumb.  "What?"

"Batter.  On your nose."  The grin was growing.

I made a swipe at my nose, deliberately missing it.  "Did I get it?"

He shook his head, biting his lower lip.  "Here, let me get that for you."  His finger deftly wiped the chocolate batter from my nose, and when I saw him glance toward the sink I grabbed his wrist.  With a playful smile I stuck his finger in my mouth and began licking it clean.  His eyes were wide with shock, and then his expression softened into a playful grin of his own.  That's when I knew it was safe to stop for a moment.  That was my Yuki.

"That was delicious.  You certainly haven't lost your touch at all...but I think there's something missing."

"Missing?

"Yeah, but I just can't figure it out."  This time I dipped my finger in the bowl while he watched, and offered him some.  "You should taste it yourself and see."

He hesitated a moment before Yuki's playful grin played on his face and he grabbed my hand.  His lips parted and slipped around my finger sensuously, the wet heat of his mouth inspiring thoughts that were far from innocent.  I held back a moan, only to hear and feel him emit one of his own, apparently from the taste.  He sucked, tongue swirling on the pad of my finger to get the last of it, then he pulled away and I gripped the counter with one hand to steady myself.

"I don't know what you think is missing from that.  It tasted just right to me."

I couldn't find my voice.  That gesture had been so sensual, so seductive--and he stood there looking at me now with his wide, innocent amber eyes as if he had actually only been tasting the cake batter for some supposedly missing ingredient.  I swallowed, hard, then nodded.  "My mistake."

But, all good things must come to an end.  Just when I thought I'd done something right, my next brilliant move shattered it.  I pulled Yuki into my arms and murmured softly into his hair.

"I've missed you, Yuki."

He went perfectly still.  Not stiff, but he stopped breathing and didn't move a muscle.  "I've been here the whole time."

I felt my face burning as I pulled away to look at his face.  "I didn't mean it like that.  I just meant...well...you know."

"I'm afraid I don't know, Touya."  He pulled away from me and crossed his arms before him.

Great.

Yue was back, and in full charge.

"Never mind.  Let's just drop it."

It wasn't that simple though, of course.  Nothing ever is.  Not in my life at least.  The fight that ensued...excuse me, the _argument_ that ensued...was enough to make us half an hour late to my sister's birthday party.  By the time we arrived I was on the verge of giving up all hope, and I couldn't understand how Yuki, or Yue, or whoever he decided to be at the time, could be so damn cheerful around Sakura and all her annoying young friends.  He smiled all evening, making my scowl stand out even more than usual.

So, of course someone would notice.  It only stood to reason.  But, I didn't notice (at the time) the calculating look or suddenly inspired grin that graced the face of one of her friends.

I only noticed the aftereffects.

~~~~~@~~~~~

"Now, you must make a wish, don't tell a soul what it is until it comes true, and then blow out all of the candles in one breath," Hiiragizawa instructed, leaning close enough to my sister to make my hands ball into fists without thinking about it.

Sakura looked over at me, worry clear on her face, but I kept calm.  She shot me a quick smile, took a deep breath, and did as she had been told.  Every candle was extinguished, plunging the room into darkness.

I thought I saw a slightly sinister grin on Hiiragizawa's face before the last candle went out, and he shot me a look that made his glasses gleam in the flickering firelight.  It meant nothing to me at first, but when the darkness didn't end immediately I started to wonder.  I reached for the light switch, knowing there was one near me, but my hand encountered thin air.

The darkness was completely silent also.  No giggling teenage girls screaming because of the pitch blackness as would be expected.  Not even the sound of a room full of people breathing expectantly.  The only sounds I heard originated from me.

I told myself at first that it would be useless to call out, since I didn't even know where I was.  I began groping around; trying to find a wall, or some sort of landmark, but my hands encountered nothing.  I swallowed, struggling to keep from panic, but it was coming upon me.  "Hello?  Is there anyone else here?"

Not even an echo.

"Hello?"  I raised my voice louder, hoping someone would hear and get me out of here.

"Sakura?"  No response.  "Otousan?"  Nothing.  "Yuki!"  Of course he wouldn't answer, he was still mad at me.  "Yue?" I ventured, but without much hope.

The darkness took form.

A young woman formed before me, pale of skin but with hair and a dress of deepest black.  Her eyes were also pools of darkness, hypnotic and unnatural, but as beautiful as the rest of her.  She was...a well-formed woman.

"Who are thou, that thou wouldst know the name of the Guardian of the Clow and call his name so freely?"

I blinked, startled, but I answered her question.  "I...I'm Touya.  Kinomoto Touya."

"I know thee not."  She frowned.  "Thine energy is touched by magic I recognize as that of my master, though I knew not that he had cast such a spell.  Still, he is the only one who may free you from my control."

"Could you ask him to free me?  Please?"

Her frown deepened, and she crossed her arms.  Yes, I could see Yue's influence on this girl.  "My master claims to know no person named Touya."

"Who are you?  Who is your master?"

"I am the Dark.  Already I have mentioned the name of my master, Clow.  He punishes not lightly, so whatever thou hast done--"

"That is enough, Dark.  I don't believe this young man was sent to you as punishment."  It was a man; his voice was deep and assured with a generous dose of kindness to his tone.  "Thank you for bringing him to my attention.  I will figure out what to do with him from here."

"You are really Clow Reed?"  I'd heard about him, mostly from Yuki once he knew the details of his creation.  This man certainly fit the description.  Tall, long dark hair, perpetual smile, hazel eyes, pale skin, and dark mage's robes.  The aura around him was so strong as to be almost smothering at first, but I quickly grew used to it.

His aura.

Oh God, I could sense it.  I could feel magic again.

I almost didn't hear his affirmative reply.  I was so shocked to realize I had my full senses returned that I couldn't concentrate on anything else for a moment.  I just took a moment to revel in the feeling again.  I'd almost forgotten how alive and vivid having my full range of senses made everything.  I could feel...everything...again.

"Excuse me, are you okay?"

I blinked, staring at him with a silly grin on my face.  "Better than that.  I--"

The door opened, interrupting me.  I knew who it was, but I still had to look for myself.  It was unbelievable to me, feeling his presence like this, his vitality and clarity unmasked and undivided and purely at peace with himself and his life--

"Master?"

I stared unabashedly as Yue walked into the room, his smile heartbreakingly innocent and his eyes clear of the shadows I'd always seen there.

"What is it, Yue?"

He stopped short when he saw me, and his expression suddenly became guarded.  "I'm sorry, I did not realize you were busy.  I will return later."

Oh God, I thought.  Don't go.

And, they both turned to look at me.

Had I said that aloud?

Clow's smile seemed somehow more genuine, and charged with amusement, when he turned again to Yue a moment later.  "Come back later.  There are things I think I must discuss with this young man right now."

"Yes, master."  Yue bowed formally, and my heart caught in my throat.  I was not prepared for the smile that graced his lips--no, it did more than that...it transformed his entire face--as he rose from his bow.  It was a smile not unlike the ones I'd seen from Yuki before.  It was the same smile that made me fall in love.

And Yue was the one wearing it, and directing it toward someone else.

I swallowed, hard.  This had to be why he'd been growing so cold and distant.  As Yuki became more and more one with Yue, he must be remembering this, and how could I ever hope to--

"You seem to be quite taken with my creation.  He's not human, not an angel, just a bit of magic I gave form.  Does he still appeal?"

I realized that I'd been staring even minutes after Yue had left.  I felt like a kid caught with his hand in the forbidden cookie jar, but fought down that feeling as I processed what exactly he'd said.  My eyes grew wide for a moment in shock and horror, then narrowed in ire.

"He's more human than you could hope to understand."

The smile on Clow's face didn't falter or fade in the slightest.  "You do know him from somewhere else then."

I didn't think about it before nodding.

"How?"

That's when it hit me.  How could I explain it?  I knew he was a mage, but would he believe me if I told him I'd traveled back in time?  I didn't even know how it had happened, so how could I explain it to him.  More important than that though, was the paradox factor.  How much of what I could say to him should I not say?

I would just have to hope for the best.

"From the year 2000, by Western reckoning."

His eyebrow raised eloquently, but he simply waited for me to continue.  I began to explain.


	2. Ethereal

### Yue

 

 

I thought again of the stranger in Clow's study.  His dark blue eyes had pierced right through me, staring in wonder and something akin to familiarity.  I almost wanted to ask how he knew me, but it was simply possible that he'd known Clow before I was created, and recognized me from sketches that preceded my creation.  Or something.  I bit my lower lip, burning with curiosity, but knowing better than to turn around and simply ask.

But, those clothes...I'd never heard of such style in the entire world, and I was in a position to know of such things.  Clow seemed not to know the young man either, but that could just be a hunch on my part.  I looked around quickly, to make sure I wasn't being spied on, then quickly turned with a mischievous grin and moved toward the door once again.  I kneeled before the keyhole, hoping beyond hope that Clow hadn't thought to spell the door against this.

My silence and history of diligence was rewarded.

I distinctly heard the words, "From the year 2000, by Western reckoning," as I peered into the room.  I bit my lower lip to hold in a gasp of surprise.  Insanity?  Or had Master Clow done the impossible--again?

"I'm not sure how it happened," the stranger was explaining after a pause.  "I was at my sister's birthday party, and then I was suddenly here.  I don't have any magic of my own--" He suddenly broke off, flustered.

"Oh yes you do," Clow said, sounding amused.  From my secret vantage point I was nodding vigorously in agreement, having felt myself his strong and delicious aura.  He wasn't as powerful as Clow, but the magic could not be mistaken.  He had a strong power within him.

"I know I do now, but, well, it's a long story."  He glanced toward the door, to where I was hiding, and he sighed.  "I sacrificed my magic for someone who meant a lot to me.  I--I think I know why I've got it now, but I'm not sure, and I'm not used to having it.  It's been years now."

Why had he glanced my way when he said that?

Clow stood and began pacing; a mannerism I found he used but rarely.  "Such a thing is a rare and admirable trait," he said seriously.  "I know what it means to give up your magic for another."

"Yes, I imagine you do," the stranger said seriously.  "My sister...you've done much for her."

I stilled completely, now burning with curiosity.  Clow paused in his pacing, and for a bare second I could see his surprised face.  "Your sister?" he asked, cocking his head to the side.  He was looking at the stranger now, so I could not see his face, but the stranger looked discomfited by the question.

"I shouldn't have said that," he said, his brows drawn together and his eyes narrowed.  He looked angry with himself for some reason.  "I assumed you'd know, since the cards--"

"The cards?  You--you're Sakura's brother?"

Who the hell was Sakura?

"Yes," was the stranger's reply.

What was going on?

"Then you do know.  You do understand."  I could hear the smile in Clow's voice, and it was echoed on the visitor's face.  Then there was a pause as the atmosphere grew more somber.  "Is that why you lost your magic?"

He didn't answer, but I saw his eyes flicker back to the door.  To me.  I held my breath, felt my heart speed up again, and watched as Clow's eyes followed the short glance and focused on the door.  I'd been found out.

"Yue."

I jumped, and felt a great rush of blood to my feet.  They felt heavy now, too heavy to move from the spot I'd been discovered in, but somehow I managed to open the door and step inside.  I found Clow's expression to be completely unreadable, and I knew I must be in trouble this time.

"Yes, Clow?"  I did my best to keep the guilt out of my voice, visualizing the cold and distant moon I'd been named for, trying to obtain a fraction of that decorum.

I still had quite a way to go before I would reach that.  I winced as my voice quavered, turning away so I would not have to face the look in his eyes.  It brought my gaze to the face of the stranger, and this time he was looking at me as if seeing someone new.  Why had he looked at me like he knew me before, but stared in disbelief now?

Before I could think upon it further, Clow cleared his throat, and I looked up at him again.  "You and I have spoken before about eavesdropping, haven't we?"

"Yes Clow."

"Then...why did you do it?"

"I wanted to know what was going on.  I thought if it was important or anything I shouldn't hear, you would have spelled the door again so I couldn't hear."  I knew that wasn't the answer he wanted, despite it being nothing but the truth, but I also knew I wouldn't be in trouble for it.  Well, not too much trouble.

All I had to do was give Clow my sweetest smile, and he would melt and forgive all.  I did so in this case, but was disconcerted by the stranger's reaction.

He was staring at me more, and he mouthed my name questioningly as if I'd suddenly sprouted another head.  It was undeniably the look of someone who knew me, and thought I was acting strangely.  I swear though, I'd never seen him a day in my life!

"Yue, I would like you to meet Touya.  I have a feeling he'll be staying with us for a while."

It completely ruined my presentation.  I pouted slightly, though it was mostly for show.  I was curious more than anything.  "Pleased to meet you," I said with a bow.

"You must forgive his manners," Clow went on to say.  "Yue is young yet, and still prone to errors in judgment."

This Touya person looked like he wanted to laugh.  I prepared another pout, but Clow chose that moment to walk over to me and murmur in my ear.  "We'll continue this discussion tonight.  Now, please oversee the dinner preparations, and make sure the cards know there will be another person to feed."

"Yes Clow."

I bowed my head submissively and left.  I waited a moment, wavering in the hallway, and came back just to check.  I placed my eye at the keyhole.

Sure enough, everything was obscured.

Within my mind, I heard Clow's voice chiding me.  _Just do what you're told for once, Yue._

"Yes, Clow."

~~~~~@~~~~~

There was no need for me to actually be at dinner with the humans, so I waited in Clow's room.  It felt like a much longer wait than usual, but I knew it to be a matter of perception.  I was burning with curiosity, and that always made time pass much slower.  When he finally opened the door I almost jumped at him, but I managed to simply wait, still seated on the bed, and smile invitingly.

It was difficult though.

"Welcome back," I said, hanging onto my restraint like a man hanging onto the edge of a cliff by his fingernails.

He just laughed.  "Come here," he invited warmly, and I was in his arms before he finished speaking.

I kissed him thoroughly, tasting his sweet mouth fresh from dessert.  I don't know what the flavors were, but I couldn't imagine enjoying them more on my own than tasting them on him.  He began laughing in delight again as the kiss came to an end, eyes sparkling in the flickering candlelight.

"Now, tell me all about him," I demanded, smiling up at him hopefully.

"I wish I could have created you with patience," Clow said with a chuckle.  "Unfortunately, it's something you just have to learn with experience."

I rolled my eyes.  "I know how to be patient," I replied.  "I just don't wish to be."

He lightly caressed my face, just smiling at me for a moment, but he pulled away to disrobe.  I waited, showing him my patience now, displaying the quality he accused me of lacking.  He glanced at me midway through and smiled again, aware of what it was I was trying to prove.  "Before I tell you more about him, tell me what you think of him, Yue.  I trust your judgment."

I glowed within at his compliment, but set it aside to savor later as I thought of how best to answer him.  "I'm not sure what to think of Touya.  Is he really from the future?"

Clow nodded.

"Then, I suppose he's here for a reason.  We'll probably need to return him somehow also, right?"

"I don't know, Yue."

He finished disrobing as I carefully thought over my next words, and we sat next to each other on the bed.  "I don't know how to answer you then.  He says strange things, and he makes me nervous when I look at him.  It's not a bad feeling, but he confuses me."  I tilted my head to the side, and one last thing came to mind.  The words slipped out without much thought, and I don't think I'd have said them if I had paused to think.  "He's certainly more handsome than any visitors you've had before.  Without knowing anything else, I think I could like him."

I didn't think too much about what I'd said after the words came out either, until I noticed that Clow was looking at me strangely.

"In what way do you think you could like him?"

What?  I looked at him, perplexed.

"What?"

Clow shook his head.  "You commented on his physical appearance, and then said you could like him.  It makes me wonder at the nature of your liking."

I blushed.

"I'm not sure why I said it that way.  I don't think that's what I meant."  Was I just making things worse?  The strange expression wasn't leaving Clow's face.

"No, that's fine, my angel.  You say things the way you wish to say them.  I would not change that for the world."

"You'll tell me about him now?  I've been waiting all evening to learn more about him and this future he comes from, and who it was that so captured his heart that he would sacrifice his very magic for his love."

He covered my mouth with a single finger, shaking his head.  "That is a question he would not answer for me.  Maybe you should ask him yourself."

I nodded.  "Mmmm, I think I will do that.  It will have to wait for tomorrow though."

"Yes, he was quite tired from his journey."

I looked at him quizzically.  "No, I meant I had other things in mind.  And he's not invited."


	3. The Darkness

### Clow

 

We lay together, bare limbs entwined, completely spent after a rather passionate session of lovemaking.  Yue's hair was simply everywhere, too long to be contained at times like these, and glowing beautifully in the soft light.  He looked up at me with his silver cat's eyes, blinking away sleep as I sat up.

"No, it's okay.  I will brush your hair and plait it, then it's time for you to get some sleep."

He smiled gratefully, eyes slipping shut as he rolled onto his front.  His head lifted one more time to meet my gaze and he murmured, "Your hair...it is long as well.  I should...I should return the favor."  His words were punctuated with sleepy yawns, adorable and endearing with his generous heart and innocent smile.

"Another night, Yue.  Just lay still and let me do this."

He didn't argue this time, he just smiled appreciatively.  I started by pulling it all together, running my fingers gently through the pale strands that had tried to stray everywhere.  I was as gentle as I could be, reverently starting at the ends of his hair, curling past his feet, much longer than he was tall.  It wasn't practical, but that hadn't been my intent in creating his hair.  It was beautiful.  Everything about him was beautiful first, and only after that was he the deadly guardian and master of magic that I required to control the cards I had created.  I sometimes justified his appearance as a deceptive measure, to fool enemies into not taking him as seriously as they should.  He certainly didn't look like he could kill by my command, or cast magic powerful enough to destroy anyone I'd met so far.  Within myself I knew the truth though.  Yue was simply everything I'd ever dreamed of in a person.

He was fast asleep by the time I tied his hair back, as I knew he would be.  On a normal night I would curl up beside him until I could fall asleep as well--he had been the best thing ever for my incessant insomnia.  Tonight though, I knew that if I left my room I would find company to pass the hours of the night.  I'd have been waiting hours for sleep to claim me anyway, what with all the things I had running through my head.

I silently walked from the room, throwing my robes over my shoulders and making sure that they closed well enough to not embarrass our guest.  I heard his footsteps as I opened the door and realized too late that he was at the right angle to look inside and clearly see the naked form stretched across my bed.  Well, it had been a long time since I had had to worry about the judgments of others where my private affairs were concerned, though I truly didn't wish to put Touya in an awkward position.  I quickly shut the door behind me and smiled.

"Can't sleep?"

My words seemed to snap him from a spell that closing the door had not managed.  He blinked, blushed, and looked away immediately.  "I was trying to clear my head," he said finally.  "I was going to search out the kitchen to see if that would help."

I nodded, smiling.  "It's not always safe to wander this house alone at night.  Some of the cards have strange senses of humor, and I could not guarantee you would ever find the kitchen.  I'll lead you there, if you'd like."

"It's probably a good idea," Touya said.  "I'm not sure I'd make it there without getting lost even discounting the mischievous spirits around here.  You have too many hallways, and they all look the same."

"I know, I know," I agreed lightly.  "I've been thinking of leaving the country, just so I can unload the family house and move somewhere simpler.  I've heard many good things about Japan, the best being regular baths.  Can you believe my nearest neighbors think that bathing more than once a year is a sin, and will make them ill unto death?"

This stopped my guest short.  "I hadn't thought to ask.  Where are we?  When are we?"

"England, a day's ride from London, and that's the closest I care to live to so many people.  I suppose I could pull out a map and show you, but it truly does not matter since you'd never find the place again if I told you where we were.  As to when, the year is 1690, and if you ask me about current events for some sort of history quiz I will put you out right now.  For the same reason you'd never find this place by looking for it, you won't find out what is happening in the world today.  I'd really rather not know."  I almost went on further than that, reciting a well-practiced rant in defense of my choice to isolate myself like this, but I realized by the look on his face that he hardly condemned me for it.  Instead I stepped closer, looking directly into his deep blue eyes.  "I am much more concerned with my work, and how it will effect the future.  You say I'm making many sacrifices for your sister, but I'm also taking many risks for her.  Many of the cards, if left to their own devices, could destroy this world."

"That's why you created Yue and that stuffed toy, Kero.  Right?"

"Kero?"  I blinked, perplexed.  What the hell was a "kero"?  And, why would I create a stuffed toy for the cards, unless he meant--

"The Guardian Beast of the Seal, I think that's how he introduced himself.  I never took him very seriously, and he was usually stuffing his face or playing video games anyway whenever I was around.  Well, that or hiding."

"Do you mean Cerberus?"

"Yes, that was it.  Keroberus.  Sakura usually just called him Kero, so that's what I'm used to."

It didn't take me long to understand how the name had been changed and shortened that way.  The change from English to Japanese, and then the way girls tended to shorten names to something cute and easy to remember...but that wasn't what really shocked me.  "You are describing a being I have only begun planning on.  He has not yet been created."

Touya muttered something under his breath that I didn't quite catch, but when I asked him about it he just shook his head.  "I'll just never forgive myself if--never mind."

I got the impression that he hadn't gotten along with "Kero".  "If it's any comfort to you, the plans are made and I'm awaiting the opportune moment.  Your words will not sway me in his creation."  I gave him a closer look, and then added in a teasing tone, "You need not feel responsible for encouraging me to create this hated enemy of yours."

"I don't exactly ha--" he began, looking downward and frowning.  When he looked up and saw my face, he must have realized I wasn't offended and decided an explanation was unnecessary because he stopped short with a shrug.  "Well, Sakura likes him, so I guess it doesn't matter what I think.  Even if," he continued with clear irritation in his voice, "he would always put her in dangerous situations and thought I was too stupid to realize what was going on."

Ah, so that was the source of his animosity.  We walked in silence until I finally guided him to the kitchen.  He was clearly protective of his sister, and I could feel the emotions clearly emanating from him despite not wanting to pry.  His irritation wasn't based solely on his protective nature, but--

Not for the first time, I had second thoughts about my plans.  I'd suffered visions as long as I could remember, knowing what might be, able to predict the flow of time even when I would rather not know.  It was through these visions that I'd come to know the girl, Sakura, and place hope for my creations in her.  Without her, I may as well consign them to destruction at my eventual death.  Without them, she might--

No, that thought did not bear dwelling upon.  I steeled myself, ready in case he turned that resentment upon me.  That brought something else to mind though.  "You seem to bear Yue no ill will, but he will also be forced to place your sister in danger."

He nodded, color rising slightly in his cheeks.  "You're right," he said, but did not elaborate on which point he was agreeing with.  Probably both.

It was maddening how he volunteered so little information, but I allowed him this as I brought out a few items to snack on.  I quickly poured two glasses of wine, then set it all down on the small kitchen table to see if I could pull more knowledge from him.  It was my reaction to any enigma--I had to unravel it.

His silent stoicism only served to heighten my interest in him.

"You seem to already be aware that I have visions of the future," I said, since he was utterly unsurprised earlier that I knew of my successor.

"Yue mentioned it," he said.

I watched him closely over the rim of my glass as I took a sip of wine.  Instead of elaborating, he took my lead and lingered over his cup.  The silence that followed wasn't entirely uncomfortable, but it wasn't what I'd desired either.  Well, to gain information, sometimes one must offer more first.  "Yue would not blend well with your futuristic world, and on the day I planned his false form I saw it in a vision.  In your time, this is the person you came to know?"

His expression grew indescribably darker.  "Yes, that's right," came the terse reply.

It was a struggle to still my face and not quirk an eyebrow at him questioningly.  "If I may ask, would I be correct to say that she likes him?"

"She's not the only one," he said, frowning down at the table.  When he realized what it is he had said, he looked startled, and followed that with a glare at his wine glass.  I followed his gaze to view for myself the evidence of his thirst...the entire glass had been emptied already, and he showed distinct signs of being unused to alcoholic beverages.

"You're right, she's not the only one."  No sense hiding that, since he'd seen Yue lying naked in my bed.  "I've always had a weakness for the pull of the moon, and moon influenced magical energy," I admitted wistfully, trying to pacify his defenses.

Touya reached for a loaf of bread and the knife lying beside it, cutting off a bit of a thick slice.  He was equally liberal with the butter, but instead of taking the huge bite I had been anticipating, he stared at it and sighed.  "I don't know if I could say the same," he finally said.  "My first girlfriend also had strong moon energy.  She dumped me though, for--" He broke off, eyes wide as he looked at me, then began glaring at me.

"I assure you, I have no intention of stealing anyone from anyone else."

He didn't relax for a few tense moments, but I just waited placidly.  He finally smiled a little, shaking his head.  "Sorry, I just realized something.  I'm not sure why I didn't put it together sooner, it's just not something I expected to have to deal with."

"What, that I did somehow steal your girlfriend?"  I reached for a grape and popped it casually in my mouth, on the verge of laughing out loud.

"In a manner of speaking, yes."

I had no idea what to say to that.

"I should really thank you for it though," he said, turning the tables on me and using a teasing tone of voice himself.  "If she had still been with me, I don't think I would have been able to do what I did to save his life."

Save his life?  Whose?  Yue?  I felt an icicle stab through my heart.  I casually refilled his wine, lost in the whys and what ifs.  "What happened?"  That hadn't been in any vision of mine.  I knew there was a risk to Yue since Sakura's power was star oriented, but she would not be able to open the seal of the book if she didn't have the strength to support him, not with Cerberus diligently guarding the seal.

A few glasses of wine, and another platter of snacks later I had the whole story.  Or, as much of the story as Touya knew at least.  He admitted to not knowing all of the details, even now that it was over and he was in on the secrets his sister had tried so hard to keep.  It gave me much to think about after he went to bed, this time to sleep soundly.  I didn't get any sleep at all that night.


	4. Dawn's Light

### Touya

 

I woke up at the crack of dawn.  I tried to put it off as long as I could, but it was impossible with all the birds squawking in the tree outside my window, and the light had somehow grown fingers and tried to pry my eyelids apart through force.  Well, at least that's what it felt like.  For entire minutes, that was my greatest concern.  Then yesterday's events caught up with me.

I sat up with a start and ignored the headache that accompanied it.  At the foot of my bed were some clothes to change into.  They looked strange and confining, the ancient European style looked a lot more uncomfortable than what Clow had been wearing yesterday.  At least the colors were subtle and the kind that I would pick out for myself.

I threw them on quickly, and just as quickly regretted my haste.  Swift movements caused my head to thud painfully with my increased heartbeat, and I grew urgent about finding my host only to ask him if he had any aspirin.  That's when it hit me; they didn't have aspirin at this time.  I'd be more likely to have leeches administered to pull out whatever "evil spirit" that was distressing me in this place and time, if I remembered my history right.  No thank you.

Why couldn't Clow Reed live in China right now, where they'd at least have acupuncture?

It wasn't worth dwelling on.  It wasn't a huge headache anyway, just annoying and irritating.  I didn't feel very hungry, but I hoped that some breakfast would help anyway.  I opened the door and prepared to attempt retracing my steps from last night so I could find the kitchen.  It was easy enough to follow the smells once I opened the door though, so that helped.

I wasn't expecting the sight that met me when I finally walked into the kitchen.  I hadn't realized that Yue could cook before Yuki came along.  The thought just never occurred since he never ate anything.  There he was though, looking at a piece of paper, mixing ingredients into a bowl while talking to sprites I thought I recognized as cards from Sakura's book.

"I don't care what Clow's notes say, it still doesn't make sense to add the sugar with all of this later, instead of first with all the rest of the dry ingredients."

That's what I had said.  To him.  Just yesterday.  I think I gasped in surprise.  I must have, because he looked up just then and gave me a cautious smile.  "Good morning.  I trust that you slept well?"

I nodded, unable to form words.  What had happened to Yue between now and when I met him?  Why had he changed so drastically?  Here, Yue was acting more like Yuki.  It was disconcerting, even if a bit vindicating.  I'd had my suspicions, but I never imagined I'd see the day when I would see them proven.  Not in this way.

"Feel free to have anything you want for breakfast.  Clow didn't fall asleep until just a little while ago, so you're the only one eating right now."

I had to ask, though I thought I knew the answer.  "You're not eating?"

He didn't bat an eye; he just smiled and shrugged.  "There's no point to it, now is there?  It's not like I need to eat.  Or did you completely miss the fact that I'm not human?"  The last was asked with a wry grin more in keeping of how I had come to think of Yue.

"You can eat though, right?  If you want to?"

"Of course.  Clow created me so that I could behave exactly as a human would.  I just wouldn't want to waste anything--"

I saw a once in a lifetime opportunity forming before me.  "It wouldn't be a waste if you were eating to be sociable.  Or, are you not allowed?"

He looked at me as if to ask what kind of silly question that was supposed to be.  "Of course I'm allowed.  I've just never seen the point."

"I would feel uncomfortable as a guest if you were hovering around me and not eating while I sat and enjoyed myself."  Check and mate.  I'd just won.

He tilted his head to the side, but I knew him so well.  Like this he was just like Yuki.

Or so I thought.

"We could just talk, while you enjoy your food."

I gave up.

"That's okay.  I wasn't actually hungry anyway.  I really wanted to ask if you had anything for a headache around here."

Please let him not mention leeches, my subconscious chanted.  Please let him not mention leeches....

"Come here."  I took a step toward him, and he met me without shyness or hesitation.  His hand was immediately at my brow, and he bowed his head and muttered a few words.  A light blue flash of light emanated from the point of contact, and the pain was completely erased.

"Wow."

"You should also be able to eat now," he said with a grin, still standing so close, hand drifting down as if he was reluctant to pull away from me.

I reached up and grabbed his wrist, giving him every opportunity to pull away, but he smiled when I touched him.  My heart beat faster and faster in my chest.  I'd come to expect this sort of behavior from Yuki, but never from Yue.  I'd somehow hoped this day would come, but I wanted it in my present, not his past.  I swallowed.  "Yeah, I think I'm hungry," I finally said, trying not to think of the double meaning inherent in that statement.

"I think I'll join you then."

~~~~~@~~~~~

Throughout breakfast I was a nervous wreck.  It was completely disarming to have Yue sitting there, smiling innocently, sweetly making casual conversation, and eating.  He didn't eat like Yuki, but everything else was unnervingly the same.  I honestly thought I'd be able to handle it, but after the third time I almost called him Yuki I knew I wasn't up to this.  I had to end the meal abruptly, just standing up and announcing that I wanted to get some fresh air.  I probably gave the young guardian the wrong impression, but I couldn't take it another second.  I needed time to think and try to rearrange my thoughts.

The morning air was crisp as I stepped outside, just cold enough to clear my thoughts and keep me in the sunlit spaces of the spacious grounds.  I shook my head and laughed--Sakura would love this place.  Not only was the house huge, but there was a hedge maze and what just had to be an "enchanted forest" surrounding the grounds.  Then again, this was Clow Reed.  Maybe it literally was an enchanted forest.  He'd mentioned being magically cut off from the rest of the world....

It was like one of the fairytales I'd read to Sakura when she was little.  A huge English manor with all the little extravagances, a sorcerer, a magic creation bound to do his every bidding, and--me.  Well, it shouldn't have been me that was here, it should have been some innocent girl if this were a fairytale.  And, there would have to be some sort of bad guy to defeat, but so far there was just us.  I was envious of Clow, but that didn't make him a bad guy.  So, this wasn't a fairytale.

Something warned me to avoid the hedge maze, so I found myself wandering other areas of the grounds.  Everything was perfectly kept, everything showing signs of regular maintenance, from the neatly trimmed grass to the rows of seasonal flowers.  I knew, I just knew, that this garden would always be in bloom no matter what time of year.  Even as the snow fell there would be some flower that reached toward the skies and cushioned the fall of the crystalline flakes.

It was too perfect.  I frowned, sitting on a wooden bench, some perverse part of me wishing to get a splinter in my ass so I could find something wrong with this damn place.  No wonder Yue resented me in the future.  He'd become accustomed to this, to Clow, to a world that was too good to be true.  It was the Christian's Garden of Eden, and I was just waiting to be accused of stealing an apple.  I knew too much.  I knew that all of this would end.  I knew I could never provide Yue with all the things his first lover had given him, as Yuki and Yue grew inevitably closer and became one.  Yuki loved me, but it wouldn't be enough when he knew--no, now I saw it.  It wasn't enough for him, now that he knew what his past life had been robbed of.

"It's mostly illusion, Touya."

I jumped to my feet, whirling to face Clow who had somehow snuck up behind me.  "I-I thought you would still be asleep!"

"That would be nice, wouldn't it?" he said with a wistful smile.  "Insomnia.  Compounded with empty bed syndrome.  I'm surprised I got as much sleep as I did."

I just nodded, not really wanting to talk about how he was so used to sleeping with someone I was madly in love with and finding myself increasingly unworthy of.  They didn't make measuring sticks that long for mere mortals like me.  My eyes drifted back to the flowerbed I'd just been imagining in winter, and I returned to my seat.

"So, which part of this is illusion?"

"I'm not entirely sure, myself," Clow admitted, sitting next to me.  "My mother loved this garden so much though, and when her health began fading and she couldn't maintain it any longer she cast a spell on the grounds to keep them this beautiful.  She told me she would rather be surrounded by the appearance of beauty than let someone else come in and ruin her aesthetics.  She was a strong willed and stubborn woman, but I've never met anyone better at casting illusions."

"Don't you have a card for that sort of thing?"

He nodded.  "It was one of my first.  Mother helped me with it, but even my card cannot match the grand scale of my mother's imaginings and attention to detail.  Even now that she is dead, this place seems as perfect as the day she cast the spell.  With the change of every season the grounds are maintained with immaculate splendor."

"How long can something like that last though?  What about the reality underneath it all?"

"I don't know," he said, and I looked at him in shock.  "I don't know what you have heard about me, Touya, but there are many things I do not know.  I'm still a student in this world, and I'm learning more things every day.  I make mistakes, and I have to go back and fix them myself just like anyone else.  I'm just like you.  Just as human, just as flawed.  I've just been taught things you don't know yet."

I was shocked to hear him say that, both that he admitted there was something magic he didn't know and that he thought he was somehow just like me.  I shouldn't have been, but I really was.  Somehow, in my mind, anybody that could create Keroberus, or the cards, or especially Yue, came in mythic proportions.  "What do you mean by 'yet'?"

"If you wanted to, you could learn everything I have.  It wasn't easy, but it wasn't impossible either.  I did it after all."  He shrugged casually, and I just stared.  Was he being modest, or did he really not understand just how incredible his achievements had been?

I shook my head.  "You're crazy."

He smiled.  "I am neither sane nor insane.  I'm a genius."

I just had to laugh.  He'd said it so loftily, like an actor making a mockery of another for being a snob.  It was unexpected and caught me off guard, and I found myself liking him more despite myself.

"Really though, I was born with a gift, and I was lucky enough to have parents who could help me make something of that gift.  You have the same gift within you.  You could learn the same things I know."  He was so earnest, leaning forward in his enthusiasm.  I never expected him to be so enthusiastic, especially about me.

"No, I can't."  The protest came automatically.

He looked for a moment like he would try to argue with me about it, but he didn't.  He just asked, "Why?"

Good question.

Then, in a blinding flash of painful intuition, I knew why.  "It would do me no good," I said bitterly.  "I would learn all of these things here, and I'd get used to having it all again.  The magic, the knowledge, the strength--I'd grow accustomed to it, and I'd start to regret giving it up.  I don't know when or how I will return to my time, but it will happen.  Through the same magic I shouldn't want and shouldn't be getting used to having again, I know that I'll have to go back--and when that happens it will be like someone not only ripped out my eyes again, but this time it will be like going blind and deaf all at once.  I can't put Yuki through that.  Not again."  I said out loud that it was Yuki I couldn't put through that...but really it was me.  Yes, I didn't want Yuki to have to see me depressed and regretful, I didn't want him to have to deal with me being weak again after being used to being so much more.  Where it counts though, it was just that I didn't know if I could give it up again and not resent him for it.  Last time I could tell myself that saving his life was worth it, and it was.  This time I wouldn't have that consolation.

"I'm sorry," Clow murmured, scooting closer on the bench, putting an arm around me comfortingly.  I didn't expect that at all, to be comforted so casually, when I barely knew this man.  It struck me again as something Yuki would do, and like a puzzle piece falling into place I realized suddenly that this was where he'd gotten it.  Yuki was like that because Yue had once been like that.  Yue was like that because he'd learned it from Clow.  Now it looped around in some strange circle, and my brain felt like a spring that had been wound too tight.  "Even after what you said last night, I didn't think about it.  I was just trying to make things right somehow."

Oh God, was I going to start seeing shades of Yuki in him too now?  For the second time that morning I found myself standing up abruptly, spouting the first excuse to come to my mind, and almost running for safety.  There was no way I could love Yue in this era...there was no way in hell I'd fall in love with Clow.


	5. Innocently Wicked

### Yue

 

He was so confusing.  He asked me to eat breakfast with him and be sociable, but he jumped up in the middle of it and left for some "fresh air".  It was disconcerting, and I had dropped my fork on the table in confusion.  Had I done something wrong?

I decided I would have to ask Clow later, but that gave me no peace of mind now.  Instead I kept myself occupied by cleaning up after the meal and retreating to the room I usually spent the most time in--the library.  I curled up with an old favorite and began to turn the pages carefully, though I did little more than scan the words while my thoughts flew through my head.  Piercing blue eyes haunted my daydreams, side-by-side with the changeable hazel eyes that I had known my entire existence.

I began to fret.

I'd spoken of my feelings without thought last night when Clow asked me, and only after I'd thought about it had I realized why he had looked at me strangely and questioned me on it.  Now the thought wouldn't leave me.  I didn't just approve of his presence here, though that's what I'm sure Clow had been asking about.  The moment I'd seen him something had clicked with me.  Something felt right about him.  This was such an unexpected feeling, and as I went through the motions of reading (still only noticing one word in ten) I wondered what that meant.

Fate was something I hadn't had occasion to contemplate, nor consider as part of my life.  I knew it was something that humans thought about quite a bit, but I wasn't part of the natural order.  Somehow I'd assumed that fate had no part for me, since I was not a creature of fate, but of human device.  Could it have been Clow's fate to create me then, and thereby give me a part in fate's scheme?  If that were the case, would the feeling I had mean that Touya was part of my fate?  Or--?

Maybe something about him just reminded me of Clow.  When I'd been first created, Clow had been of a darker temperament and prone to brooding silences.  He'd looked at me with what I now know was longing, but he had hesitated to act upon it.  Some of those mannerisms were so much like what I saw from Touya now.

That wasn't it though.  I closed my book and tucked it under my chin while I thought.  I was missing a vital clue that would solve this mystery, I was sure.  Was I simply overlooking it, or was it being withheld?

I heard someone walking in the hall and didn't pay it much attention.  The footfalls stopped at the library door though, and I looked over.  Touya stood there, looking intently at the bookshelf he would have seen by walking past.  His eyes were just drifting over the titles, sweeping the breadth and height of the shelves on that wall.  When he'd taken that in, he started looking around the rest of the room--and I jumped, afraid that he'd notice me staring at him.

The motion immediately brought his eyes to bear on me, and smiled sheepishly.  "Hi, can I help you find something?"

He frowned and shook his head.  "I'm sorry, I didn't realize anyone was in here.  I was just looking."

"It's a large enough room, please come in."  I hoped he wouldn't leave, that I wouldn't chase him away.  The conversation over breakfast had been so polite and unfulfilling.

Touya hesitated, but finally stepped inside.  "I wasn't looking for anything in particular.  I just wanted to see what was in here.  So, if you want to go back to your book, just pretend I'm not here."

I put the book down entirely.  "To-ya?"

He stiffened, looking at me funny.

"I'm sorry, did I pronounce your name strangely?"  Living in England so long, speaking exclusively English most of my life, there were finer points of nuance I sometimes forgot about the Oriental languages.  I concentrated for a moment and realized my mistake, and I was about to correct it when he shook his head.

"You just reminded me of someone from my time when you said that.  That's the same way he says my name."

Oh.  "Is that why you keep looking at me strangely?  Because I act like someone else you know?"

"Yes."

I smiled sadly.  "Someone you don't like?"

"No!  That's not it at all!  Where would you get an idea like that, Yue?"

"It's just the way you look at me.  Sometimes you look sad, and sometimes you look distant, and you never looked at me like I'm a stranger."  The thought came to me like my subconscious finally fitting together pieces of a puzzle, and I couldn't hold back the question.  "Is it that you know me from the future?  Do I remind you of myself?"

"Where would you get that idea?"

He sounded nervous.  There was something about the look in his eye and his stance that said I'd guessed right but he didn't dare let me know.  What was he hiding?  There's no such thing as paradox--no matter how hard a mage tried to change the future from the past, the "wound" would always heal.  Not many had the power to alter time, but those few who had were all represented in Clow's library, and all had come to the same conclusion.  If it has happened, it has happened.  So, he couldn't worry about that....

"I was listening to the conversation you had with Master Clow yesterday, and I heard that you mentioned the cards.  Then Clow mentioned a girl named Sakura, and you said she was your sister.  You were speaking of great sacrifices, so I assume this Sakura will some day have Clow's cards.  Right?"

He nodded.

"In the event that anything should happen to my Master, I will be sealed with the cards to make sure they don't fall into the wrong hands.  It's not something I want to think about, but I suppose this means he will be killed by a rival some day, or die some other way."  I'd started out talking with enthusiasm, but as I realized what this meant, that I was at some point in the future living without Clow, that my Master was going to die some day, I slowed.  I don't know why I'd thought he would be immortal like me.  Maybe I thought he would find a way, despite being human.  Maybe I thought he could never actually let me go.

Touya moved closer, as if to hold and comfort me, but at the last moment he held himself away and resorted to mere words.  "I'm sorry.  I didn't want to make you sad."

I held up a hand to stay him.  "So, if the cards are in your sister's charge, that means I am as well. That is how you know me?"

"How do you say that so casually, like you're some sort of possession?"  He appeared truly offended on my behalf.

I'd never thought of it like that.  "I have free will, but I am still bound to the cards and their fate.  I've never had occasion to think of Clow as owning me, but I was created for specific purposes.  I must ensure the future of the cards.  I must obey and protect Clow, or whoever his successor may be.  Those are my reasons for being.  I decide what to do aside from those things, and I have been given free will in deciding best how to do those duties, but that does not change the fact that I am what I am."

He did not look reassured in the slightest.  Why would this bother him so much?

"In your future, have I been mistreated?  Taken advantage of?"  It was a horrible thought, but if he'd seen someone, his own sister even, treating me like nothing more than an object....

But, would I let the cards be taken by anyone like that?  What kind of sorceress was she if this was the case?

"No!  I'd kill anyone that--" he broke off when he realized what he was saying and turned away.

"To-ya?"  I walked around to try to see his face, to read his expression, but he turned away again.  "How well do you know me from your era?"

"Sometimes I think I know you better than anyone else.  Sometimes I feel like I don't know you at all."

Did he realize how telling his words were?  Not just his words, but the way he said them, I had to wonder.  "Better than anyone else?  Why would you know me better than anyone else?"  The words were said in a deliberately teasing tone, and I leaned toward him expectantly with a shy smile.

He held perfectly still, barely breathing.

"In your era, do you like me?"  I put special emphasis on the word "like", though that probably wasn't necessary.  Before I'd finished the sentence he whirled around and stared into my eyes in shock.

He held my gaze for several long heartbeats before he dropped his eyes to the floor.  "I don't know," he said in a strangled voice.

Poor, tortured soul.  "How can you not know if you like someone?"  I raised my hand to his cheek and guided him to look at me.  He was so tall this close, so much like Clow somehow as I leaned closer to him.  "Should I help you find out?"

"H-how--what did you have in mind?"  He licked his lips nervously, and I openly stared at his lips...at his tongue.  Sometimes, I had learned, words were useless things that could not convey nearly the meaning held by a look or a gesture.  I wrapped my arm around him, placing my hand at the nape of his neck, and pulled him gently toward me.  He did not resist though I gave him every opportunity to pull away.  I finally allowed myself a small smile of triumph as I closed my eyes half a heartbeat before I felt his lips upon mine.

That's all it was, like silk against silk, and we breathed each other's air while we touched so gently, almost tickling with tiny movements against each other.  That's all it was, but it was still so much more.  Our bodies were pressed together, his body heat searing me at every point of contact.  I was electrified by his touch, when his hands encircled me and held me closer, and he gave a soft buzzing moan against my mouth.  With a happy sigh I moved and placed my head on his shoulder.

"I think I like you, To-ya, no matter how you feel about me."

"I like you too, Yuki," he barely breathed, eyes still closed.

Who?

"To-ya?"

"Oh God, I'm sorry, I didn't mean--"

"Who is Yuki?  Is Yuki the person you love most in your time?"  If so, why did that bother me so much?  Why did it hurt to think that?  It's not like I had any claim on him.  We'd barely even met, didn't really know each other...it wasn't his fault I was drawn to his aura like a moth to a candle.

"He is, but--"

"Yue," Clow's soothing voice came from the library doorway.  "I think that's enough questions for now."

"Why?  I've read over and over how there is no paradox, so there's nothing to fear.  He can tell me anything he wants, isn't that what all the books say?"

"This is not about silly magical properties, Yue.  There are some rifts that fate can not heal."

"I don't understand!"

Touya shook his head.  "Clow is right.  There are some things in the future that you would not want to know."

"What can be worse than knowing that Clow will die some day?" I shouted.

Clow flinched and Touya backed up a step.

"You told him that?"

Touya shook his head.  "No, he figured it out from things he'd overheard yesterday."  He then turned to me again.  "Please, don't ask me more."

I narrowed my eyes and presented a façade of calm.  "I suppose it's not my place.  In this future you've got ahead of you, you have whoever this Yuki person is, and I won't even have Clow."

"Damn it, Yue."  Touya grabbed me by the shoulders and pulled me to him almost violently.  "You are the one I love," he whispered in my ear.

Now I was well and thoroughly confused.


	6. Taken By Surprise

### Clow

 

I should have been the one holding and comforting Yue, but I had no comfort to offer.  He was right.  I would be gone, and Touya would have the one being in all creation I loved the most.  I clearly heard the whispered words the boy presented to my angel, the confession of love that would either hurt or heal.  I did not want to be there to see which.

I walked away, my feet carrying me to the kitchen without conscious thought.  Once there I went directly to the worn table that bore the canisters full of various ingredients.  I didn't even think about it.  I baked bread, cake, and a few dozen cookies while my thoughts sorted themselves out.

I had just cleaned another bowl and was about to start tossing in ingredients when arms reached around me and I felt Yue's head resting on my back.

"Clow," he murmured, and I went still.

"I'm not upset," I said.

He let go, leaning against the table to look me in the eye.  "What were you about to make?"

"What's your point?"

"You always know what you're making, unless you're upset.  So, what were you going to put in that bowl?"

I blinked; surprised that Yue had come to that conclusion.  How often had I done this?  Not very...but Yue had been with me for quite a few years now.  "I-I hadn't thought that far ahead," I admitted.  I had to correct him though.  "It's not that I'm upset, but that I'm trying to figure out how I do feel."

He placed his hand over mine lightly, telling me without words that I should stop and just listen to him.  "I love you," he said, his violet eyes locking onto mine.  "I will love you forever.  I will love you more than I will ever love anyone."

Is that what I wanted though?  A selfish part of me cried out that it was--but when he said forever, he meant it.  My Yue was virtually immortal.  He would never age.  He would never know illness as humans knew it.  Only by magic, or the loss thereof, would he ever taste of death.  One day I would die, and he would have an eternity without me, pining for me, wishing for something that would never come again.  I loved him too much to wish that fate upon him.

"When I die, you will live on."

He bowed his head, turning away.  "I do not want to think of your death."

"It will not happen for a very long time, but some day it will happen.  I do not wish for you to be alone forever."

He nodded, still refusing to look at me.  "And yet, I will know him after you die.  He will love me."

My throat felt dry, and I did not want to answer.  I moved the large mixing bowl aside and began pulling baking ingredients toward me.  "Yes."

"You're jealous, aren't you?"

Three handfuls of flour.  A dash of salt.  Then, this much sugar...a handful and a half?  No, I'd better make it two.  Vanilla for that extra flavor, but only sparingly.  Almond oil?  Yes.  I want to add butter too, but that's across the room, and I don't really want to move yet.

"I am, and I'm not."

He looked at me, confusion showing in his eyes, but it was not nearly as much as what I felt.  "Clow?"

"I never want to let you go, Yue.  I can't imagine a future in which I do.  Why will I let him have you when I cannot?"

"I don't know, Clow."

I didn't know either.  I walked across the kitchen to pull out the slab of butter and cut off some.  I realized I was making shortbread cookies, and nodded.  "More than anything, I want you to be happy, Yue.  Touya makes you happy."

"He can't make me happier than you!" he shouted, truly upset for the first time I'd ever seen.  "I don't want him if I can't have you!"

I began mixing the ingredients together thoughtfully.  I nodded, letting the thoughts take their correct form even as the cookie dough collected together in its correct form.  It would be a strange idea, and I would have to talk to Touya first, but I would do anything to make my angel happy.  I paused and walked over to him, wrapping my arms around him.  "I love you, Yue."  And I sealed those words with a kiss.

~~~~~@~~~~~

"I seem to have baked too much, again," I said as we sat down to eat.  I hadn't seen Touya all day since the conversation in the library, though that was probably just as much my fault as his.

"You do this often?" he asked, looking around the dining room.  I had laid out the treats I'd made, even among the regular dinner fare.  The large table didn't make it look like much...but it was still clearly too much for two people, and we were completely alone in the dining room as I had ordered.

"More often than I'd care to admit," I said with a wry grin.  "Baking was the first 'magic' I was introduced to, and it's something I've turned back to when I want to think about something."

"I've never thought about cooking as having anything to do with magic," Touya said, looking confused.  "It's chemistry.  It's science.  It has nothing to do with magic."

I nodded.  "Some of the principles carry over though, and it's a useful example when dealing with children when they first begin to learn.  You're starting with one thing, and ending up with something completely different.  You could be given a recipe made from the experimentation of others, or you could change it and create something similar but different, or you can throw all the rules out and see what happens.  There's risk to trying something new, but if you know the basics you have a greater chance of creating a masterpiece instead of a disaster."

He nodded thoughtfully.  "I see.  That is a good point."

"My parents were good teachers," I smiled.  "They taught me many things about magic and how to set aside the hidebound teachings of the ancients without losing what lessons they'd found.  Some concepts are basics the world around, while others are flavored by whatever culture they originated from, and anything is possible when you begin to blend the unexpected together."

"This is why your cards are so unique?"

My smile grew as I nodded.  I was proud of the cards, and happy that I'd managed something so different.  "Yes, though they're not my greatest accomplishment."

I saw in his eyes that he knew what I meant right away.  "You mean Yue," he said with a small smile, kindness washing over his face.

I nodded.  Even if he hadn't told Yue how he felt, even if I hadn't witnessed that scene, I would have known at that moment that Touya loved Yue.  "Yes.  I'm still amazed that I created him, and he continues to surprise me every day by exceeding my expectations.  The cards are all exactly as I planned them, and serve their purposes well, but Yue had to be more than a tool.  He had to be as close to human as I could manage to create him, to guard me and protect the cards from any number of potential threats, magical or mundane.  I went through many failures--" No, I didn't want to mention those.  It was too painful to think of.  "I finally learned though, and Yue is more than I could have ever hoped for."

We ate in silence for a time after that.  The candles flickered and dripped, the fireplace roared and crackled, and in the dining room the sounds of a typical night at dinner echoed through the room.  Still, the sound that echoed through my head was that of my own words.  Yue was more than I could have hoped for.  In truth though--

"Actually," I said out loud, eliciting a startled look from Touya, "Yue is more than I deserve, and I know it.  Both as a creation, and as a partner.  I can deny him nothing though."

His fork slipped from his fingers, hitting the plate with a loud clatter.  He busied himself with his napkin as if to cover for his mistake.

"You understand that feeling as well as I do, I take it?"

He was still for a few moments before he nodded.  "I never expected to hear you say something like that."

"Oh?  What did you expect?"  I grinned, amused.

He shrugged.  "Unbearable pride, maybe.  I'm not sure.  I guess I thought you'd be some pompous prick shoving your accomplishments in everybody's faces."

I laughed.  "If I felt wholly responsible, maybe.  As it is, I genuinely feel lucky.  Maybe this is what people mean when they talk about being blessed."

Touya just rolled his eyes, and I laughed again.  He continued to look sullen though.  "Look, I know I told you I was in love with him, but...in my time the two who fell in love together were me and Yuki.  I don't know what Yue thinks of me at all, here or there.  All I know is that I'm losing Yuki a little bit more every day, and even though it shouldn't matter, it does."

That was a sobering confession.  I stood, quite finished with eating, and walked toward him.  "You think his heart is not yours?  Look at him.  In one day you've already captivated him, and I can't imagine that changing in your time."

"Things are so different there though.  Yue is so cold, so distant, it makes me wonder if he's just humoring me and putting up with me because of Yuki."

I shook my head.  "I don't think he'd ever do that.  I don't know what happened to hurt him so deeply and make him so withdrawn, but it would not change who he truly is.  If he could so easily kiss you so soon after meeting you, there's something more than him humoring you in your time.  If his other form fell in love with you, I think it's a given that he loves you as well."

He looked down, and I thought he might be blushing.  It was cute of him to try to hide it...and I just kept looking at him.  Touya was kind, generous, self-sacrificing, intelligent...his quick wit was sometimes acerbic, but it was a part of him that was interesting.  Oh yes, I was starting to see, even in so short a time, how Yue could have fallen for him.

His heart had chosen true, and my creation would find real happiness without me because of this boy.

"Take care of him," I said softly.

Touya looked up at me, startled.  "You're not jealous?"

"A little bit, maybe.  It would do me no good though.  He has chosen you, and I trust his judgment."

He continued looking at me in surprise for a few moments, and then he grinned in relief.  It changed his entire face, and I just kept watching him.  I didn't even realize I was leaning forward, drawn to him, thinking how grateful I was to him for healing my Yue's broken heart in the future.  His eyes opened wide though at some point, when it was obvious what I was doing.  I almost stopped.  I almost pulled away right then.  I should not be doing this, I thought.

I held still, understanding that he knew my intent, and noting that though he was surprised he did not back away.  Our eyes were locked on each other, daring the other to move, wondering which would put a halt to the inevitable.  Neither of us did.  I grinned slowly, keeping my gaze upon him, waiting for any subtle sign of denial or rejection, but he was completely frozen.

I pressed my lips against his, watching triumphantly as his eyes closed, smiling wickedly as his hands reached forward to clutch the front of my robes.  I closed my eyes as well, kissing him carefully and slowly, giving him every opportunity to back away, but persistently continuing to press forward.  Soft and gentle kisses came more frequently, and one of his hands reached around me to play with my long hair.  I opened my mouth against his, licking teasingly at his lips, and he parted his lips willingly.  Our tongues met, touching and exploring each other at first, but the passion grew between us and it became a contest of dominance.  I was unsurprised to find that I was winning, but he seemed taken aback.  He gasped when he realized I had signaled my desire to take him...he obviously had been the one doing the taking before.

I pulled away, ending the kiss on my terms, stroking his cheek kindly before I straightened.  His hands fell to his sides, and he looked completely stunned.  I placed one last kiss upon his forehead before I began to move away.

"And perhaps, I have no reason for jealousy," I smiled as I walked from the room.


	7. Going Under

### Touya

 

I have no idea to this day how long I actually sat in that chair.  I stared blankly across the room, unable to think, heart pounding, head spinning and....

What the hell was that?

"Did anybody catch the license plate number of that bus?" I asked aloud, trying to regain some semblance of normalcy.  It didn't work.  I swallowed, leaning back in my chair, closing my eyes to berate myself.  Why had I let him do that?

With the question came the answer, and I was flooded with the sensational memory of how deliciously overwhelming that kiss had been.  Clow's intense aura had completely mesmerized me.  His eyes had danced with life and power and mystery.  Kissing him was like white water rafting.  You're swept along, going moment by moment, just trying to stay afloat until it's over, and then you look back and say to yourself, how did I do that?

Why did I do that?

Why did I want to do it again?

I raked my fingers through my hair, cursing myself a fool.  This was, in all ways, a bad idea.

I stood up.

"Hello, To-ya."  Yue was standing in the dining room doorway, and from his stance I assumed he'd been there for a while.

"Yue."  My heart stopped.  I wasn't ready to face him.  I wasn't ready to answer questions right now.  I couldn't even think yet.

"Clow told me you were finished eating," he said softly, entering the room.  "You looked lost in thought though, so I didn't want to interrupt you."

"No, that's fine," I said, pretending that nothing was wrong.  I even smiled.  "You should have just come in or let me know you were there."

He didn't bother replying to that.  He came right up to me and put his hand over my heart.  "You meant it, didn't you?"

"What?"

"That I'm the one you love."

"Yes."  That I could say without hesitation.  "I've loved you for a very long time now."

He looked like he would ask me another question, and I couldn't bear any more.  I descended upon his lips suddenly, catching him even as he would have said something more.  I started out by taking, demanding, plundering his mouth while he was still stiff with shock.  He met me with hesitation at first, but soon replied with an almost lazy understanding.  I felt like I was being toyed with, and that drove me greater passion, needing to claim him, needing to know that I could, needing to prove myself to him.

I held his arms pinned at his sides as we kissed, digging my fingers into his flesh with desperation.  This had to erase Clow's kiss.  This had to be the one that saved me.  It had to erase all that I'd been feeling before.

Yue took my challenge--and made it his own.

He began kissing me back with equal fervor, though not aggression.  He was calming me, soothing me, letting me know that it was okay.  His tongue slid against mine comfortingly, at once tasting like Yuki, reminding me of home.  My fingers relaxed, and Yue raised his hands to caress my back and pull our bodies closer.  The kiss developed into one of equals, and became even more consuming as I felt his slender body pressing against me, his long hair again clutched in my fingers, and his desire for me flooded my senses, made obvious both physically and psychically.

The kiss finally came to an end, leaving us both panting for breath.  He caressed my cheek, smiling playfully.  He leaned forward, placing his lips lightly against my ear, and he began to whisper softly to me.  "I could fall for you, heart and soul, for eternity if that is the time given to me.  I have already done so for Clow.

"His kisses are overwhelming, aren't they?"

I pulled back sharply, feeling as though ice water had been dumped over my head.  I opened my mouth to apologize, but there was no trace of jealousy or anger on his face.  He was smiling at me.  He was sympathizing with me.

I was drowning.  In both of them.

I thought I would never be free.

"How did you know?" I asked, still in shock.

"I could feel it in the air.  I saw it on Clow's face, and on yours.  Immediately though, I tasted it in the magical currents that flow through and around all three of us, and I must say it was delicious."  He was leaning closer again.  "I know you want me, To-ya.  I can feel it when you look at me.  When he kissed you though, you just wanted to fall into him and never resurface, didn't you?"  Yue's eyes glowed, and I began to back up, nervously.  "You wanted him.  Were you even able to think of me when he claimed your lips?"

For a moment I was able to hold my ground.  "Yes, I thought of you."

He advanced upon me with a sweet grin that I couldn't help but think of as predatory.  I took another step back.  "So, you want both of us?"

I literally tripped over the chair behind me, falling to the ground.

Yue's manner changed immediately.  He rushed to my side, purely concerned.  "I'm sorry!  Are you okay?"

His mercurial shift had me reeling more than the fall.  "I'm okay," I muttered, more than a little embarrassed at my fall.  "Nothing hurt but my pride."

"It was too much, wasn't it?" he asked softly, helping me stand.

I looked down, silent.  It had been too much, and that's why I had backed away--but I'd wanted it to be too much.  I'd wanted to lose myself in it all, and that still scared me.  "Yue--"

"I don't want to scare you away, To-ya, but I don't want to lose you either."

"Lose me?"  I tried to look him in the eye, to see what he was thinking, but he turned away, hiding his expression from me, closed off completely from my scrutiny.

"I don't know when you will leave here to return to your time.  I don't know how long we have together before you will go to a time where Clow is dead and you have someone else you love.  Someone you love enough to sacrifice--"

I stopped him, grabbing him by the arms and turning him to look at me.  "You still don't understand.  Damn it...I..."  There was no getting around it.  I had to tell him.  "Yue, you are the one I gave my magic to.  I did it to save your life.  For months, I watched you slowly fading before my eyes, and I thought there was nothing I could do."  But, it was Yuki I'd wanted to save.  It was Yuki who had said over and over again that he was fine when I knew he was dying.  It wasn't Yue at all--was it?

He smiled sadly, shaking his head.  "If I'm the one you love so much, why is it that someone else's name sprang to your lips this afternoon?  If you love me, who is Yuki?"

"Tsukishiro Yukito.  He is my best friend.  For a time, I thought of him as my soul mate.  He is my lover; he is the one I love most in the world.  He is my moon--"

"Stop it!" Yue cried out, tears in his eyes.  "After what you've done for me in your time, and all you've told me now, you still--?"

"Yue," I held him to me closely, trying to restrain him even as I hugged him with all the love I did feel for him.  "Yuki is you.  That is the name of your human form, the mask you wore to hide the truth of your supernatural origin from the world."  I hated myself for saying those words.  Yuki was more than just a mask.  I'd assured him of that in his darkest hour.  I'd loved him and held him and whispered to him over and over in that darkened bedroom as only moonlight touched his skin that I would love him forever because he was real.  He was no mere mask.

What had I done?

I'd stopped seeing the angel in my arms that seemed more like my Yuki than he had a right to.  I stopped seeing what was right before me, and was swept up in images of the past.  I was haunted by ghosts of people who had yet to live.  "I don't know anymore," I said softly, holding him and soothing him, stroking his long hair and planting light kisses on his head.  "I don't know who Yuki is.  Just when I thought I'd saved him, he started slipping from my fingers all over again.  A little bit each day he would change, and I would pretend not to notice.  He was his own person, and then he began to fade."

Yue stiffened in my arms, trying to look up at me, but I did not want to see his eyes.  Not right now.  I bent to hide my face in his shoulder, catching that scent that was almost Yuki, but not quite.  "A false form?" he asked, and I wanted to scream.

"He wasn't just a false form!"  I pushed him away from me.  I wanted to run, but there was nowhere to run to.  "He was his own person, and I loved him with all my heart!"

"You speak of him as if he is dead," Yue observed softly, but there was a hint of ice beneath that.  This was closer to the Yue I knew and resented.

"No!"  He wasn't.  Not yet.  Was he?  "I don't know," I said, slipping to the floor.  "That's pathetic of me.  I don't know how to think of him, even though we live together.  Even though we have loved each other for years.  I never had the courage to ask.  He said one day, after long and careful lack of observation on my part, that the two of you would merge.  It was inevitable.  I nodded and went about my business, thinking that it would be okay and I could handle it, and life could somehow go on.  I couldn't even tell him goodbye because he wasn't really gone.  It was just a little bit every day, and now he's all but gone, and I still love him, but I can't even admit that he's all but gone."  My voice was raw, and my eyes were stinging, but that didn't matter.  It was the first time I could talk about this at all.  I had to get it all out before I had a chance to hide it all safely away again.  "Just yesterday--no, yesterday in my time, Yuki and I had a fight about this.  I got him to eat again...he always loved to eat so much...and I got him to laugh.  He was himself again, and I said so.  We fought about it because I couldn't bring myself to come out and ask or say what was bothering me.  But how could I?"

"Then, you don't love me?"  He was all wide and innocent eyes, staring at me with nothing but pain.

"No!  I do love you.  But, I--"  I couldn't say anything else.  I had to leave.  I couldn't do this anymore.  I couldn't deal with it.

I turned and left without another word.  There was nothing I could say.  I followed my feet back to my room and lay down on top of the covers.  I stared blankly at the ceiling, trying to numb myself again.  If I stared long enough, the pain would go away.  Just like every other time.  Even if this wasn't like every other time at all.

~~~~~@~~~~~

I felt his presence a moment before I felt the bed dip under the solid weight of the man sitting on the mattress beside me.  "Touya.  Do you care to tell me why my guardian has been crying for the first time in over a decade?  I have never seen him so heartbroken, and he refuses to tell me why."

I rolled over on my side, facing away from Clow.  "No, not particularly," I muttered rebelliously.

"Did you really have to tell him about Yukito?"  I felt his hand on my back, and I was soothed despite myself.  "Did you have to tell him that way?"

"Why did you ask, if you already knew the answer?"

He didn't even have the grace to be offended by my question.  "I wanted to see how you would answer."

I didn't have the strength left in me to be bitter or angry.  "Now you know."

"He does love you, Touya.  Already.  He probably loves you more because you opened up to him, even thought you've caused him great pain."

I pulled a pillow to my chest and held it tightly, squeezing it in a bear hug even though what I wanted to do was rip it apart.  I didn't want to talk about this right now.  No, I didn't want to talk about this ever.  I didn't want to hurt Yue.  I didn't know how to stop myself though.

"He thinks you hate him."

"I don't."

"You should tell him that," Clow said gently, trying to pull on my shoulder to get me to roll over.

"I can't."

I stopped resisting his pull, rolling over again to look at him.  He leaned over me, placing one hand just above each of my shoulders, staring me in the eyes, pinning me to the bed.  "Yukito is not dead, Touya.  You did not betray him by saying he is part of Yue, because it is true.  Your precious Yuki is a very real part of my Yue.  Do you understand?"

I swallowed, unsure if I did understand.  "I said the one thing I thought I never would.  He's not just a mask.  He never was.  I betrayed him in my thoughts."

"You were explaining a difficult concept.  It's okay, Touya.  He will forgive you."

I just stared up at him, noticing that he'd set his glasses aside so he could look at me directly.  Nothing between us.  He looked so concerned, and not just for Yue.  He looked genuinely worried about how I was taking this.  His black hair spilled over his shoulder in his customary ponytail, dangling between us and landing on the bed beside my face.

"What if he's not there to forgive me when I return?"

"He is.  He always has been, and he always will be.  He just doesn't realize it yet."  Clow winked.

"It's not the same."

"Nothing ever is.  Be honest with yourself, and ask.  Would Yukito forgive you?  Or are you just unwilling to forgive yourself?"

I knew what he meant.  I knew he was right.  I wanted to blame myself, and hate myself for this.  Yukito was always understanding and forgiving, almost to a fault.  "Would Yue forgive me?"

"Ask him yourself."

I closed my eyes.  That was one thing I could not do.  He was right to shy away from me.  He was right to not want to be around me.  I would do nothing but hurt him.

"I can't."


	8. Inexpressible

I didn't even look up when Clow left the room.  I was curled up in a ball of my own misery, wondering at the unfairness of it all.

I'd hurt Touya just by being who I was created to be.  First I'd robbed him of his glowing magic.  Then I'd stolen the one he loved from him.  It hurt in a way I could not express, either through words or simply through tears.  It sat within me and hurt too much to do a thing about.

I'd hurt him just by being alive.

I didn't know how to deal with this.  I had been crying when Clow had found me, but now I just couldn't anymore.  I was worn out by just existing.  How had I survived to see Touya's future?  How had I found the will to live?

Yet...I did not have the will to die.

How would Clow feel if he knew I entertained thoughts like these?  I winced slightly, imagining that he already knew.  I could not figure a way out of this pain though.

I finally pulled myself together enough to sit up and begin the nightly ritual of brushing out my hair.  Clow usually helped, but sometimes it could not be helped and I did it on my own.  It was time consuming and mind numbing, and it was exactly what I needed.  I began by untying it and letting it fall loose around me.  I gathered it all over one shoulder and began at the very ends.

I caught sight of myself in the mirror across the room and was startled at how coldly distant I appeared.  Was this the future me I saw?  Was this the person that Touya thought could not smile?  No wonder he loved my false form so intensely.  No wonder he wanted that other person instead of me.

I bowed my head and continued with my work.

I was nearly finished when I finally heard the door open.  I turned calmly, expecting to see Clow and to ask him to help me bind my hair and plait it, but I held my tongue.  He was not alone.

I calmly returned to finishing the last few strokes of brushing my hair.  I frowned slightly, wondering what more could be said now, and what could be resolved that could erase the empty future ahead.  Clow pulled the brush gently from my fingers and guided me to sit next to Touya on the edge of the bed.  He looked startled as I followed my master's direction, ready to move, but in the end he stayed still, as silent as I, while Clow pulled over his favorite chair and sat so he could watch both of us.  I waited in patient silence for an explanation from either of them.

"Do either of you want to say anything to each other before I have my say?"  Clow looked patiently between us.

I didn't know what to say that hadn't been said already.  I couldn't apologize for things I had no control over.  They hadn't happened yet.  I wouldn't even know what I was apologizing for until it happened.

I saw movement from the corner of my eye, and looked up to see Touya hesitantly reaching toward me.  He froze when he saw my face, and moved as if to pull back, but I grabbed his hand.  I silently pleaded for him not to do this.  Don't pull away from me.  I don't want you to go away.

"I'm sorry, Yue."

But, what was he sorry for?

I searched his face for answers and found nothing.  I shot a look at Clow, begging with my eyes for him to help me, set this straight, tell me that I was worried for nothing...about nothing....

He was waiting, and he was looking at Touya.  I looked back and forth between them, still holding Touya's hand, watching them as they grew ever more silent.  I dropped his hand, backing away slightly.  I couldn't take any more of the silence.

"To-ya?"

He flinched.

Oh yeah.  That's what his Yukito called him.  I stood and walked away, turning to the window and the nighttime scene before me.  I longed to fly out into that darkness and become a part of it.  I would put all of this behind me and fly until I couldn't fly any more.  I would lose myself in the night until nothing here mattered, and I couldn't feel the pain anymore.  I lifted my hand to the glass, touching the cool surface longingly.

I didn't realize I was crying again until I felt the warmth and weight of a hand on my shoulder.  It brought me around to self-awareness again, and I quickly swiped at the tears that had dripped down my face.

"I never wanted to hurt you," Touya said, pulling me closer to him.

I nodded, turning around and leaning into him.  "I'm sorry that I will hurt you some day.  I don't want to hurt you.  I don't want to take away the one you love."

We stood there in silence after that, holding each other, wishing away pain that couldn't go away.  I'd asked for the truth though.  He'd only done that much for me, telling me things I didn't know that I didn't want to know.

And yet, the next words we heard cut apart that comfort.

"Both of you still don't understand."

We pulled apart, both blinking in confusion at Clow.  What did that mean?

"Clow?"

He shook his head.  "No.  It's not important," he said, looking sorrowfully into my eyes.  Why?  Why was he looking at me like that?  "I'm tired.  I've been awake too long on too little sleep."  He smiled and stood, moving toward the door.

"But this is your room!" Touya stated, moving forward.

Clow still wore that inscrutable smile of his, tilting his head to the side.  "So it is."  He only paused a moment before he turned again to leave.

"Then why are you leaving?" I asked softly.

Clow's hand was on the door handle when he paused again.  "I am offering you both some privacy.  Yue, you should know me better than this by now.  I'm not tired in the slightest."

Touya looked as stunned as I felt.  We exchanged a look that I felt sure must have been identical, and we both turned away.  I know I was blushing.

Clow laughed.  "There are things you two will communicate better between yourselves when I am not around."

"Stay," I whispered, the word coming out before I could think.

"Not tonight, my angel."

The door closed behind him, and I was suddenly completely aware that I was alone in the best bedroom in the house...with Touya.  My heart was beating so fast.  He was looking at me with a slight smile on his face, and I found myself returning that smile.  "I wasn't expecting that," I said finally, feeling apologetic though I wasn't sure why.

"He actually expects us to--" he broke off, looking at me with the same shocked expression he'd worn before, when I was teasing him about the kiss.

"Clow isn't stupid by any means.  He knows you love me.  He knows I'm falling for you.  He's quite aware that he's left us alone in a room with a very comfortable bed."  I moved closer to him, playfully reaching out to touch his shoulder.

"I have to wonder though, what it is we're not understanding."  He frowned, looking thoughtful.

Touya was too noble for his own good.  "If it's that important to you, we'll talk."  I moved to sit down on the edge of the bed again, carefully moving my hair so it draped casually over my shoulder.  That was where it was safest when it was down like this.

He stared at me for a moment before nodding.  He sat beside me, sitting at what could be a safe distance for talking. So, he was serious about that.  I curbed my distraction and waited.

"I think I understand what Clow meant--what we haven't understood.  Tell me--do you have your false form now?  Can you appear human, if you wanted."

I nodded.  It was an ability Clow had given me immediately, though I didn't think about it often.  I rarely had occasion to use it--though technically I should have when Touya had first appeared.  I'd been caught by surprise, and had seen no sense to it since.  "I never change to my false form though.  We never venture to the world outside, and Clow no longer needs it for me to conserve energy with.  Only at first...."

He looked surprised.  "You do?"

I smiled, demonstrating.  It was such a plain form.  My hair was cut short, and hung in locks of stone gray.  In some light it even appeared light brown.  My eyes were a light brown, and my skin more resembled human flesh instead of pale alabaster.  I looked so human it was painful, but that was the point of having a false form to hide behind I suppose.  To look plain, like everyone else.

"Yuki," he breathed, eyes wide and startled.

I shook my head.  "I'm just me.  If I could so easily return your love to you, I would have already.  I am only me though.  I'm sorry."

He shook his head vehemently.  "No!  You look, you sound, you even act the exact same way!  I'm such an idiot."

"What?"

"I've been hung up on a name.  Everything that makes you you though has been here the whole time."

"When you return to your own time--?"

"You will be the same person.  Older, and sadder maybe, but the same you.  Yuki is you, but without the pain you've been through."

I stared at him in shock for a moment.  "That's what this has been about?"

He ducked his head, smiling in a self-depreciating manner.  "Yeah."

"You silly, foolish, stupid human!"  He didn't have time to look hurt by my words before I jumped forward and kissed him.  It didn't matter that I was in this unusual and uncomfortable human form.  "I act just like him--of course I do!  Who do you think I am?  No matter what I look like, no matter what memories I have, I was created to be one person.  Me.  Is that so hard to understand?"  I pushed him over on the bed and pinned him down, forcing him to look at me for who I was.

"A little, yeah," he said softly, looking directly into my eyes.  "I think I'm starting to get an idea or two about how these things work though."

As he spoke I changed my form back, still pinning him to the bed.  I'd done a quick change this time--more draining, but it didn't require me moving at all.  I watched as a smile grew on his face, and my heart squeezed a little in response.

Touya brought a hand up to caress my cheek, and he guided me down toward him further.  He kissed me softly, wonderingly, and with great reverence.  I returned the kiss patiently, letting him lead me, following him wherever he wanted to go.  I was on top, but suddenly I found myself completely his.  How could he claim me with only a kiss, when the only man I'd ever bowed to, even figuratively, was Clow?

As we kissed his hands moved to my shirt, undoing the clasps easily and baring my skin to his questing fingers.  I shifted to lean on one arm, freeing one hand to return the favor.  We broke off the kiss and smiled at each other.

"I can't believe I'm doing this," he said somewhat breathlessly.

I nodded in agreement, but did not let that slow me down.  Our efforts to undress each other at the same time sometimes clashed, and we shared laughter over it.  "This would be easier if I just did it myself," I finally said, pulling back.  I quickly shed my robe and shirt, hesitating only at the pants as I watched him do the same.

"Are we rushing into this?" I asked in my hesitation.

He nodded slowly, but he was grinning.

"Should I stop?"

He shook his head and grabbed me by the hips, pulling me close to him again.  To undress as far as we both had, we'd moved to kneel on the bed, and now we faced each other like this, pressed together, and I could feel his hardness straining through his pants, pressed against me.  I was pressing against him as well, enjoying the friction of rubbing against him as we kissed again.  Just a little...just enough...delicious torture to add to the anticipation. 

His hands were pressing me closer, holding me tighter, kneading into my muscles hungrily as I burned to be with him.  I wanted this to be a slow journey of discovery and anticipation, but I wanted everything right now.  I wanted to drown in his flesh and be consumed by the fire between us.  I wanted to taste him and feel him within me or surrounding me--I didn't care as long as our flesh was joined and I had him all to myself.

Such a selfish thought to have right now.

I sat back on my heels, taking one deep breath and then another.  It was time, I thought.  I reached for his pants to free him from them.  I slid them down slowly, and he dropped his hands to his sides, letting me.  I held my breath in anticipation, and when the cool air hit his skin he gasped a little.

His pants fell to around his knees, and I guided him down onto the bed once again so I could remove his pants entirely.  I busied myself with the detail, so I would not be overwhelmed with the thought of what I was doing.  Though I was going through the same motions I'd been through with Clow, the thought struck me that this was entirely new.  The thrill was almost too much to contain, and when his fingers brushed at the waistband of my pants, and his hands wrapped around my waist to pull me over him, I almost lost control of myself.  This was Touya, not Clow.  Everything about him was different and new and exciting and fresh and I had no idea it was possible to so scared of something new and yet so enthralled by it.

We were completely naked; him laying back on the bed and me kneeling over him.  He reached forward to touch me, and I nearly cried out at his touch.  A low moan escaped my lips, and he chuckled.  "You're even more beautiful than I imagined," he said softly, pulling me closer to him.

I didn't trust my voice to reply.  The way his hands moved over my flesh was as someone who already knew my innermost secrets and desires.  I could not believe the familiarity with which he touched me, like Clow only different.  Like an old lover, though I'd never touched him before.

I wanted to memorize his body as he'd already memorized mine.  I wanted to explore every inch of him and see how he would react.  I wanted to touch him and taste him and feel him in ways only lovers did.  He was almost driving me over the edge with his touch, but he knew exactly when and how to hold back and calm me.  It was maddening.

"To-ya," I moaned.  His name just came out with no reason behind it.  Maybe it was appreciation.  Maybe I was begging for more.  My brain had become completely disconnected though, so I don't know.

He paused, smiling up at me slowly like a cat that's been into the cream.  I felt like I'd been freed from a spell, and I found myself able to move once again.  With trembling fingers I reached to touch him, exploring the silk of his flesh against the taut hardness of his muscles.  I wanted to touch everywhere at once.  I wanted everything, and I wanted it immediately.

With more restraint than I thought I had, I let my hands wander slowly over his chest.  He gasped softly when I raked one long fingernail over a nipple, and I grinned as I watched it harden.  There was a silly thrill of accomplishment with this.  I did this.  I am the one who made him gasp in pleasure.  I am the one who had him throbbing with desire for me.  I am the one who had put that glazed look in his eyes.

I had this power over Touya, just as much as I had it over Clow.

He groaned softly, pulling my hands lower, begging with his eyes for more.  He'd said I was the beautiful one, but to my eyes that was he.  Touya and Clow both were so beautiful, or handsome, or whatever you wanted to label it.  For a moment I pictured them together, imagining what that kiss they had shared must have been like.  What if I had them both here, right now, and....

The image was almost more than I could take.  My fingers curled around his hot length, running over the skin that was like the finest of silk, the fine curls of his pubic hair brushing over the back of my fingers.  He squirmed, arching his back, his hands clasped on my wrist urgently.

Yes.  I could see it in him that he was as close as I was.  I tried so hard to calm, to relax.  I had to hold back, but I was afraid I wouldn't be able to.

"How do you want me, To-ya?"

I stilled my motion, letting the words sink in.  His eyes cleared slowly, and I waited for many long heartbeats before he opened his mouth and licked his lips.  He pulled me closer to him, so he could whisper in my ear.

"Take me."

I moved back, away from him, hands trembling and eyes wide.  He was watching me closely, waiting for my reaction, but I sat still, wondering if this was something I could do.  I'd never--  "Is this how things are?  In the future?"

His face darkened in a deep blush, and he looked away for just a second.  "Well, no.  I mean, that is...I never...he always--" He collapsed back onto the bed and looked at the ceiling, as if searching there for strength he wouldn't otherwise have.  "When you kissed me like that earlier, I started wondering.  I mean, if you don't want--"

I stopped his words by placing a finger across his mouth.  He finally looked at me, and I smiled slowly.  "I'll be gentle."

He took a deep breath and nodded, giving up all control to me.  Within moments I found the vial of lotion Clow kept by the bed, and I carefully opened the lid.  I managed to still the trembling in my hands, moving to sit between Touya's legs as he spread them for me.  I looked into his eyes, watching the dance of emotion as I carefully prepared him, spreading lotion on his opening, sliding a finger carefully inside him.  He had a look of deep concentration on his face, and he would meet my gaze and look away frequently.

"That feels strange," he murmured.

"Do you want me to stop?"

He shook his head, and I smiled.  I worked slowly, trying to make sure he was ready, adding a finger to what I was doing, working slowly in and out.  Touya relaxed into it, Taking deep and measured breaths as he grew used to the sensation.  I remembered how it had been the first time Clow had done this for me, and I tried to take it slow and be patient.  I wanted him so much, but I wanted this to feel good for him as well.  I wanted to be as patient for him as Clow had been for me.

He should be the one doing this, I thought.  Not me.  Clow knew what he was doing.  He would know how to do this so that Touya enjoyed it, and it didn't hurt too much.  Why did Touya entrust this to me?  I hesitated a moment, pulling away, scared that I would ruin everything somehow.

"Yue," he moaned my name softly, reaching upward to entangle his fingers in my hair.  "Please...."

I could not refuse.

With trembling hands I applied the lotion to myself and sent the vial back to where it belonged.  I bent over Touya, kissing his lips reverently before I moved to position myself.  He nodded and let out a contented sigh, waiting with perfect trust.

I pushed forward cautiously, heart pounding like bass drums, rocking me to the core.  He was so tight...so hot...feeling him around me in the closest of embraces...I wanted so much to just thrust, to sheath myself to the hilt within him at once.  I wanted to feel this entirely, at once...it was a feeling more incredible than I'd imagined.  Touya's eyes were now squeezed shut.  With one hand he gripped the sheet beneath us, pulling on it and twisting it in his fist.  With the other he held my hair, and though he was more careful with that, he still clenched it somewhat painfully and pulled me closer to him.

Every inch was pleasure and pain as I slid further into him.  I could see it in his face that it hurt him.  He kept pulling me toward him though, begging me wordlessly to keep going.  Thank the gods for that, because I did not want to stop.

"To-ya," I gasped, shaking with the effort it took to hold back.

"More," he replied breathily.  "Just do it, Yue."

I bit back a moan, holding back a moment more.  "To-ya...I don't want to hurt you."

His reply wasn't in words.  He thrust his hips up toward me, and I felt myself slide further into him.  I could hold back no longer, and I pushed my way in entirely.  He was mine and I was his and we were as close as close could get and oh gods I wanted more and more and more.  If I could have found a way to be deeper inside of him...I wanted to be a part of him forever, and as I felt the incredible soft closeness and searing heat and the tight ring of muscle holding me I felt so whole.  Blessed.  How could I be like this and still want more?

"Better," Touya murmured beneath me, smiling up at me.  "I didn't know it hurt that much."

I took a deep breath.  "Are you okay?"

He nodded.  "Just--wait a moment."

Yes.  I remembered that well.  I held still, waiting for him to adjust and relax around me.  Such an incredible feeling to just be within him.  Would I be able to handle the friction and the rhythm and watching him beneath me, as he grew accustomed to the feeling?  As he grew to enjoy it...?  I shifted, wanting to begin, but he winced and I stilled myself again.  I could wait for him.

I leaned carefully on one hand, freeing the other.  With a gentle smile I moved my hand to stroke his penis, reinforcing the pleasure so he could forget the pain.  He let out a long breath, blinking slowly as I moved up and down the sensitive underside, rubbing the ridge there as I remembered Clow had done for me.  Just the palm and fingers moving across, softly at first, but with greater pressure at each stroke.  He slowly relaxed, distracted by my hand.  When I thought he was ready, I wrapped my fingers around him, gripping him tightly and continuing the slow rhythm I'd already established.  I began moving myself in that same rhythm, a slow in and out, up and down, and I watched his face carefully.  He just nodded, breathing deep, shuddering around me as he gave himself completely to what I had to give.

Beautiful.

"Gods, To-ya, I never--" I couldn't go on.  I moaned, thrusting more forcefully within him.  So tight.  So perfect.  It's as if this was what I'd been made for.

"I know," he said, meeting my thrusts in our ever-increasing rhythm.  A complex dance that we already knew all the steps to, blending beautifully and meeting each other at every step.  He let go of the sheets to touch me, at first just sliding his hands wonderingly across my face, but as the need grew more urgent he clutched at my back, driving me harder, pushing me further as he raked his short nails across my back.  The thin lines of pain I felt just spurred me on, bringing the desire higher and higher.

We'd done this right.  He was a genius, whether he knew it or not.  The thought somehow coalesced in my busy mind that this was the only way we could truly share a first time, since he'd had me before in his time.  This was the first for both of us.  An absolute first we could share.  The words echoed and tumbled through my brain as I pushed harder and faster, drawing closer and closer to climax.

"Our...first..." I gasped, driving into him, racing closer and closer.  I used that half-formed thought to keep me focused and keep me from going too soon.  Longer, waiting, satisfaction greater if I could just hold back now...just hold back a little longer.  A little longer than that.  Keep waiting....

Somehow I managed it.  Somehow I outlasted him.  My hand was still wrapped around him, stroking, clutching, pulling at him between us when he went rigid and I felt him throbbing and pulsing within my grip.  The hot liquid shot out between us, coating his chest and mine, spurting as he clenched harder around me.  I was almost there.  Just watching that--I did that to him.  I made him come for me.  I put that look in his eyes.  I made him cry out so loud, like a wild beast howling in the woods.

I thrust again, feeling that precipice loom closer, rushing toward me.  Again.  I was completely in his thrall, seeing what I'd done to him, feeling what he'd done to me.  My own cry broke free from my throat as I thrust one last time, filling him, pushing my essence within him, releasing into him so hard I felt it in my entire body.  My back arched and I gripped his hips, feeling my wings explode out behind me.

That was rare, some fuzzy part of what was left of my brain remarked.  It had happened before, but I thought I'd learned to control that.

It didn't matter, I decided.  I collapsed on top of Touya, quivering with the intensity of my orgasm even still.  I wanted to say something.  I had to express it somehow.  That was the polite thing to do the first time, wasn't it?

I took a deep breath and sighed contentedly against his chest.  He brought a hand up to stroke one of my wings and I moaned happily against him.  He chuckled.

That was enough communication between us.  I shifted slightly, pulling out and getting more comfortable.  My heartbeat slowed and I let its lullaby sing me to sleep.  I was dimly aware that Touya had beaten me to that state by mere moments.

All was right in the world.


	9. Between

### Clow

 

I was sitting in the library, book open on my lap, staring at words that had long since lost all meaning to me.  I think my distraction was justified, all things considered.  I wondered how things would be resolved between them.  By the length of time they spent, I was almost certain it would be a satisfactory resolution.

One way or the other.

I sighed and tried to read again, but I'd long ago lost track of everything I'd read tonight.  I flipped pages back, returning to the last thing I actually remembered and started skimming over the words.  It was useless.  In no time I was staring at the book blankly again, lost in thought.

I was immediately aware when the door slid timidly open, and my guardian peeked into the room.  "Clow?" he murmured cautiously, looking around.

I stood and set my book aside.  "How was it?" I asked with a grin.

His blush was a delicate brush of color on otherwise stainless skin.  He looked downward as if to hide the smile I'd already seen upon his perfect lips.  No other answer was necessary.

"I see.  I'm glad you had fun."  I wrapped my arms around him.  "I trust that everything is resolved?"

He burrowed his face into the robes over my chest, nodding.  "I think so," he said softly.  "At least, everything seemed to be okay before," he paused, and I thought he would continue, but he shook his head.  His fists wrapped up around handfuls of my robes and he proceeded to further hide, despite the fact that his long blanket of hair already had him completely concealed.

I chuckled, hooking a finger under his chin and forcing him to look up at me.  "Yue, I'm happy for you.  No need to be ashamed or embarrassed.  I'm very glad he made you so happy."  He was so beautiful like this.  He was breathtaking.  Especially when the hesitation behind his eyes vanished and he smiled up at me.

He was so much more than I'd ever hoped for him to be.

"He surprised me," Yue admitted.  "He knew me almost as well as you."

But, that only made sense.  "In the future, you must have taught him well," I said with a grin, kissing my angel on the forehead.  He was blushing again, but I would have none of it.  "I would expect nothing less from you, Yue."

He leaned upward, pulling me down to meet him, and claimed a true kiss from me.  "Only because that is how you created me," he finally said, smiling contentedly.

"Oh no.  You're so very much more."  I stroked his hair gently away from his face, watching the play of emotion in his eyes.  With a simple stretch of my will I released the light in the room and let only the pale moonlight fall upon us from the windows.  This was how I most loved to see him; illuminated by the celestial body I'd drawn inspiration from in his creation.  "If I could claim credit for every aspect of your being, I would have to be some sort of a god."

"Are you not?" he asked with a smile.

"No," I replied very seriously.  "I'm human.  Very human.  In some ways, I am all too human."  I pulled him in for another kiss, enjoying the familiar contact and playful dance between us.  It was a thing of beauty...and when Yue tried something new and different I recognized Touya's style and enjoyed that as well.  Things would never be the same.

Of course, that is what I lived for.  Change.  To change others.  And to be changed.  What other point was there in life?

We parted from the kiss and smiled at each other in silent understanding.  "Ah, Yue, I'm a tired old man, and I want my own bed.  Tell Touya to get dressed, and he can return to his bed or stay where he is.  As long as he knows what to expect.  Or, he can stay nude if he wants, but I refuse to be held responsible if he does."

Yue's smile grew as I said that, before he shook his head.  "You're not old," he said, moving away and placing a hand on his hip.

Ah, but I was older than even Yue knew at this point.  No sense in bringing that up though.  My age was not important.  "I'm older than either than you, so I am more set in my ways.  Let him know that if he sprawls in the middle of my bed he'll be sleeping upside down from the ceiling for the rest of his stay."

"Yes, Clow," he said, drifting from the room with a grin that I suspected was now permanent.  Wistful, wishful thinking on my part.  I knew it would not last.

Images of a dark snowstorm through unfamiliar windows and Yue crying out at me, accusing me, yelling and screaming that I could not leave him--

I closed my eyes and shoved the memory of a vision aside, shaking my head to help clear it.  I made my way back to my room, waiting a moment at the door before I knocked.  I couldn't hold back a grin at what I was doing, though the last thing I wanted was to make our guest in any way uncomfortable.  "Yue?"

He opened the door with a sweet smile, and I saw Touya sitting up in the bed.  He was blinking blearily, looking around, but he was dressed.  I felt a tad disappointed, but I was not surprised.

Touya stood and I tried to shove aside any further disappointment.  "It's okay," he was saying, "I'll leave now."

"There's more than enough room," I said in as neutral a tone as I could manage.

His hesitation was priceless.  "I wouldn't want to intrude on anything.

I crossed the room in only a few steps to stand before him.  "Believe me when I say, I would not have extended the invitation if I did not mean it."  I placed a hand on his shoulder, smiling at him softly.  "If you would rather leave though, I do not want to put undue pressure on you."

Touya looked up at me, and I could see him standing on the precipice of decision.  Yue must have seen it as well, for he came up behind Touya and wrapped his arms around his young lover's body.  "I would love to fall asleep with you," Yue murmured softly, in his ear, floating just to be able to reach better.

He really had no choice after that.  I knew I could deny Yue nothing when he did something like that, and that was after years of growing accompanied to his company.  Touya nodded, turning to face Yue.  "I would like that too," he said.  His eyes darted nervously toward me, but I just smiled and moved to the bed. 

The right side of the bed was mine, and after shedding my robe I claimed it.  I usually didn't sleep even in my underclothes, but it was concession enough that Touya had agreed to stay.  I would not distress my angel by scaring away the young man...and I did want his company myself, too.

Yue curled up in the middle, pulling Touya into his arms even as I began softly caressing Yue's back.  He was particularly sensitive between his shoulder blades, where his wings appeared, and I took advantage of that as we lay there.  He gasped at the contact, melting into the mattress as I allowed a thread of magic to flow from my fingers.  His back arched into the touch at first, but for this I sent only soothing, sleepy energy.  He fell asleep, curled up around Touya, and I rolled onto my back, staring at the ceiling for a long time.  I'm not sure when Touya fell asleep...I only know that at some point in the darkness I realized that his aura had become peaceful and soothing.  I took my time, absorbed in the feel of their sleeping minds beside me.  And then, sometime in the early hours of predawn, I fell into a restful sleep.


	10. Secondary Sky

### Touya

 

I was sore the next morning, but that hardly mattered as I slowly came to awareness and felt arms wrapped securely around me.  It was a surprise, but a pleasant one.  Before, when Yuki and I slept together, I would be the one to hold him most times.  Whenever it was him holding me, it was a different feeling but always nice.

This felt very different though.  I opened my eyes slowly, blinking thoughtfully and trying to let my still sleep hazed mind figure out what was wrong.  The answer came to me like lightning when I saw Yue, across the room, brushing his hair and staring at me with a thoughtful smile upon his lips.  As soon as he saw that I was awake he brought a finger to cross that smile, warning me to stay quiet.

If I hadn't been half asleep I realized I could have figured it out without looking.  I was being held by someone bigger than me, cherished like a favored teddy bear or...even...a lover....

Oh boy.

That was not the biggest giveaway, however.  His aura was so intense and powerful, and to be held this closely by Clow was like basking in the clear sunlight on a summer day.  I can't explain better than that...just that it was intangible but you knew without a doubt that you were in his presence.  Not that he felt like sunshine.  Far from it, in fact.  Clow's aura felt like the dark of the night sky more than any other feeling.  It wasn't an oppressive dark, but it did much to hide secrets and invoke a sense of mystery about him.  It was not surprising to me in the least that this man could contain and hold the soft light of Yue's moon aura.  They fit together.

Where did that leave me?

His arms tightened around me reassuringly, giving the unspoken message that I did belong right here.  I stiffened, wondering if he was awake and listening to my inner turmoil.  But, no...he was asleep.  His aura was unmistakably that of someone dreaming, and when I rolled over--still within the circle of his arms--his eyes were closed and his expression peaceful.

Clow was so beautiful when he was asleep.  I was caught by surprise to realize myself thinking that, but he really was.  His long raven hair had been tied back as usual, but much of it had slipped from the long ribbon that bound it.  The fine strands drifted around him, like extensions of his aura upon his pillow.  Where once there was perfect order, sleep left him with signs of humanity.  With his eyes closed, and his features at rest, he looked almost innocent and pure.  I could forget how at times I'd resented him for giving over his cards to Sakura, and putting her in so much danger.  I could just look at him and see that he was a person like any other, and I might feel more than I'd expected--

I scared myself with those thoughts, even as I found myself slowly reaching forward to brush stray strands of hair from his face.  I don't know how long I was staring at him in fascination.  I don't know when I started leaning closer to him...I wasn't aware that I was until his lips seemed to fill my world and I was closing my eyes automatically in preparation for a kiss.  I was taking advantage of him being asleep...or maybe I was taking advantage of my own still half-awake state to do something that had been building in me since we'd met.  I was drawn to him like a magnet, and it went beyond reason or explanation.  Like this, while he was asleep and I still was not thinking clearly, the pull was too much to resist.

It was just as overwhelming as the first time we'd kissed.  For heartbeat I just felt his soft lips completely pliant against my own, and then I felt him stir against me.  It was amazing to feel him come to life like that, his lips firming and then opening against mine, his arms pressing me closer against his body, his tongue seeking entrance to my mouth and caressing my lips and my tongue firmly.  Even though I had initiated the kiss, even though I was the one hovering over him, he easily dominated the kiss.  He easily dominated me.  I wondered for the briefest moment when I'd become such a wimp, but that thought was enough to make me laugh really.  I wasn't.  It's just that Clow somehow commanded this sort of respect.  Did he even realize he did it?  I don't think he would have had the same effect on me if he did.

The kiss came to a natural conclusion, and I pulled away.  I looked down at him, a bit nervous at how he would react.  I couldn't tell him, after all, why I'd chosen to do that.  I wasn't even sure myself.

"That is the second best way to wake up," he just said, his eyes finally opening.  He smiled up at me, bringing one of his hands up to brush through my hair.

"Second best?" I asked, a bit confused by what he meant.

He didn't answer.  He just looked at me and smiled.  Behind us Yue let out a muffled laugh, and I think I understood.  Well, at least I had a thought of what I would think was the best way to wake up under the circumstances.

I sat up quickly, embarrassed.  "Oh.  I suppose...it would be...."

Clow also sat up, not letting me go so easily.  "Touya," he said easily, and I thought at once how intimate it felt for him to just call me by my name like that, and how even in my own mind I was becoming too used to being "Kinomoto-kun" or "Kinomoto-san".  When Clow said my name, especially like that, I felt that magnetism again.  I was starting to fight it again though, not knowing why, just somehow thinking that I should.

Yue sat down on the bed behind me, pressing a reassuring hand against my back.  I felt the warm glow of magic from his palm, and the stiffness and soreness I'd only just started to become aware of melted away.  "It's okay, To-ya," he whispered softly into my ear, leaning against me now with easy intimacy.  "Just let it happen."

I looked at him, and then back at Clow, wondering what I was doing.  Could I really just let it happen?  I opened my mouth to say I could not, but no sound came out.  Maybe...maybe I could.  Maybe I did want this so much that I could fall back in Yue's arms and admit that I wasn't just overwhelmed by Clow's magic and powerful aura, but that there was something about the man himself that I wanted to touch upon and grow closer to.  I found myself slowly nodding, granting silent permission for whatever the two of them wanted of me.  I thought I must be losing my mind to let this happen...to let myself just go and let them do whatever they wished to me.

Yue wrapped his arms around me now while Clow softly kissed my cheek.  "You have only to say no, and I will stop."  He paused for a moment to let that sink in.

I nodded, and closed my eyes, sinking back into the soft glow of Yue's aura.  I was giving myself to him--giving myself to both of them.  And for a moment it seemed that Yue drifted across my own night sky at the same time as Clow's, before I felt wrapped up within him.  Ah, maybe someone who does not see the same things or feel the same things I do would not understand.

Clow was kissing me again, and Yue was licking my ear, and with my eyes closed I saw how our auras began to press against each other and blend.  While I sat between them I could almost see how Yue fit within my aura easily, the same way he did with Clow.  It was so surprising at first, but I remembered that my soul was entirely used to granting him a place within me...by giving him my magic.  And, as I had pictured just a few moments ago so vividly that Clow was like the night sky, and Yue a moon within it, I saw two skies now that Yue drifted within.

Clow chuckled and my eyes flew open.  "Doesn't that get distracting?" he asked with a small grin.

"Yes...sometimes.  I'd forgotten how powerful the images could get."

"Then just look at me," Clow instructed.  "You can lose yourself in the magic later, when we're done with you."

I shivered as he began removing the shirt I'd so hastily replaced last night.  I hadn't bothered with the ties it had, so he just started pushing it upward, eyes on mine the whole time, fingers gently brushing my skin.  It almost tickled, but not quite.  I leaned forward and raised my arms over my head as he began to slip the shirt off of me, but before I could free my arms he caught them and held them, still half wrapped in the light cotton fabric.

The smile he wore could only be described as slightly sadistic.  Not in a bad way...but he really enjoyed having me in this position.  The slightest twinge of fear ran through me, but I was more excited than afraid.  Powerless.  It's a feeling I usually couldn't stomach, but right now it felt good to just let everything happen, trusting that they both had my best interests at heart.

I could feel Yue's fingers brushing lightly over my exposed flesh, and then the tickle of his hair as he leaned forward and began to lightly kiss my neck.  Somehow the shirt around my wrists was changed to ribbon, which Clow tied like a bow while Yue lavished more and more intense attention upon my neck.  When he parted his lips to suck upon my skin I gasped, tilting my head back upon his shoulder, inviting more.  When he carefully bit me, at the same time raking long nails over my chest, I moaned.

Somehow I almost missed it when Clow removed my pants, shifting my hips absently at his prompting, but that was it.  I was staring up at nothing, on the verge of simply letting my eyes fall closed yet again, when I saw Clow's face over me once again, his hazel eyes taking up my entire world.

"Focus, Touya.  You wouldn't want to miss a thing, would you?"

"No," I breathed in reply, watching now as he moved down my body, his hands teasing sensitive spots, tongue snaking out to lick one of my nipples before he clamped his teeth gently but firmly upon the now raised flesh, then his lips, and then he began to suck....

I found myself staring into Yue's eyes instead as he bent to kiss me.  It was a thing of true beauty, too much attention being paid to my body to even try to keep track of.  I was being shifted, my hands stretched over my head and secured so I could no longer move.  I'd never felt anything so sensual.  I'd never dreamed of something like this happening to me.  I tried so hard not to lose myself in it all, to focus as Clow had told me to, but everything was blurring into one intense experience of utter pleasure.

Clow carried his attentions further down my body and I squirmed, thrusting my hips in a rather insistent manner, almost against my will.  A mix of anticipation and that continuing helplessness from having my hands bound was driving me to express my desire in a new way.  Yue was still kissing me, robbing me of vocal expression except for a pleading moan.

I somehow knew that Clow would not satisfy my wishes, instead prolonging the anticipation. He bit my inner thigh, making me whimper.  Yue began nibbling on my lower lip, playfully.  My other senses were feasting at the banquet of pleasure, overwhelming me, and I just closed my eyes and gave in.

Neither of them said a word this time as I examined the darkness behind my eyelids, letting my mind wander and marvel at the sensations both were presenting me with.  Clow was kissing my thighs, then trailing his way back upward, biting and sucking upon the flesh just above my hip bone.  It felt like there would be a mark left upon my skin from it, and I found myself again squirming.  His hands were on my hips though, encouraging stillness in their firm grip, and I truly tried even as I whispered my desire, my want, my need for more, stopping just short of begging.  I'd lost track of Yue for the moment, now that he wasn't kissing me, but I somehow knew that was okay.  I was laying back and just accepting everything.

When this stopped I felt Clow pull away, sitting up, and I opened my eyes again.  He was kissing Yue, both of them nude, both of them with their long hair loose and seeming to flow everywhere.  It was a sight that was heartbreakingly beautiful.  For a moment I did think I'd be jealous, but I was laying here, tied up and at their mercy, and what did I have to be jealous of?  Especially when Yue's hand reached down to touch me, trailing up my thigh and further to grasp my erection and with torturous slowness begin moving up and down the length.

That's the first point where I began pulling against the ribbon around my wrists, wanting to be free but hoping they wouldn't give, going insane with the internal contradiction.  The ribbon held, no matter how hard I tried to get free, and I moaned louder for it.

"Please," I begged, watching them helplessly.

They ended their kiss and turned to me as one, nearly identical smiles upon their faces.  It was almost scary, but at the same time it was beautiful, and I thought I knew what was in store for me just from their expressions.  Clow whispered in Yue's ear, and they traded places carefully.  From there Yue straddled my hips, and Clow curled up by my side, nibbling on my ear.

I don't think I've ever been more aroused in my life.

Clow began to whisper in my ear and I closed my eyes one more time, listening to his words intently even as I felt Yue's weight shift upon me.  The voice was hypnotic and entrancing, weaving words that transported my soul.  I felt divided, somehow hyper-aware of Yue leaning back and carefully impaling himself upon me, but at the same time I was divorced from it all and becoming one with the soft whispers in my ear.

"I had a vision last night," Clow began as Yue surrounded me.  Their auras both wrapped around me so intensely it was almost as if I couldn't tell which one I was so intimately joined with.

"I want you to stay here, with us.  I want to wake up this way every morning, and fall asleep with both of you every night."

I could almost picture it.  In the heat of the moment, all I could think about was waking up to this bliss, with Yue, with Clow, where for a while nothing else in the world mattered.  I looked up into Yue's eyes, untroubled by the past he had yet to face, hazed only by need and desire and pleasure as he rode me.  I wanted this every day.  I'd be an idiot to give this up.

Clow kissed me again and I was sucked into his world.  I was trapped with no desire to find an escape.  I don't know how long I lay there, wrapped in sensual pleasure, thinking of nothing except how wonderful this felt, how complete they made me, how hot and tight Yue was around me and how I just wanted more and more of him until I was a part of him, and how I couldn't wait for a chance to be this close to Clow as well.

Words were lost to me.  The physical act of Yue making love to me was insignificant as I felt the magic that infused the three of us blend and flow around us and through us.  I could no longer tell where one of us ended and the other began, for we all felt the same sensations, reaching the same climax, loving and touching and surrounding and penetrating as one.

Yue shifted off of me and curled up by my side while Clow untied my wrists.  I felt another surge of magic and we were instantly cleaned off, with nothing to think about except resting and catching our breath and basking in the delicious afterglow while all three of us regained our senses.  I'd never felt anything like that before, and my senses were reeling.  Physically, it hadn't been anything spectacular except who it was I was with, but magic still hung like an electric charge in the air.

I wanted this so much.  Forever.  I wanted them to be my everything, to be my life.  I wanted to tell Clow yes, I would stay here forever if I could.

I wanted it.

But I knew that's not what my answer would be, even in this glow of utter contented bliss.


	11. Beautiful Goodbye

### Clow

 

I'm not sure how we managed to keep him with us even as long as we did.  In that time, I worked on cards and learned more about the nature of the universe and how to bend it to my will.  My most important project was one I kept from both Yue and Touya easily enough.  We were all in a warm glow of fresh love, and I took advantage of the selfish aspects of that emotion in my own way.

Five months we woke together, and slept together, and I don't think I'd gotten that much sleep since I learned to master that urge within myself.  For anyone else, those might have been quite unproductive months, but I think despite the loss of time to sleep I was more productive than ever in my desire to never let what we had go.

Within a week of Touya's arrival I could feel the magic that had brought him to us begin to unravel, and I was determined to prolong it.  For Yue's sake.  For my own sake.

My latest, and to date most powerful card rested on my knee.  I stared at it hard, wishing it held the key even still, though I knew it did not.

I finally shook my head and slid the card into the book, feeling that the name I'd chosen as my hope was now mocking me.  The Return.  It was inevitable.

Touya had to return to his own time.

I smiled softly, trying to hide the pain even from myself.  There had been signs that it was time for change once again.  My mother's beautiful garden had finally begun to show hints of truth beneath the carefully crafted illusion.  I'd received a message from a colleague in Japan that my presence would be appreciated.  And, by that, she meant required, as close as she could ever come to demanding my presence.  The cards were restless, though still firmly within my control.

A million small things all pointed to the same conclusion.

I stood and walked out of the library, wondering where Touya and Yue were at this time of day.  I wandered, following my feet without thinking too hard about what I was doing, and of course I found myself where I needed to be.  They were sitting together in the kitchen with the remains of their meal pushed aside while they continued to talk.

Yue stopped as soon as I walked in, turning to me with a bright smile.  "Clow!  I thought you would be busy for a few more hours."

He started to rise, clearly intending to make lunch for me as well, but I raised my hand and shook my head.  "That won't be necessary."

Touya's expression was immediately neutral, and I didn't have to be psychic to know that he knew where my thoughts were this afternoon.  For someone who thought himself my inferior, he had insight to match my own at times like this.

I sat down, still with the same smile.  My mother had smiled like this, until the end.  It was a disconcerting comparison to make, even within my own mind, but it did not make the mask slip in the least.  It was an almost comforting reminder of a comfortable past that was now forever gone, as this time would soon be.

"It's time," Touya said, when the silence had gone on a bit too long.

"Almost," I agreed in a softer voice than I'd intended.  "The time has come to move from this home, at least."

"To Japan?" Yue asked, leaning forward eagerly.

"Yes, that will be our ultimate destination.  I want to spend a while in China first, though."  I thought of my colleague in Japan and shrugged.  "Or, perhaps, some time in each place."

Yue smiled, looking at Touya.  "You can show me where your house will be, and we can show you things that have been lost to history, right?"

The silence went on just long enough, as each of us waited for the other to break the bad news.  Yue's face lost its expression and he finally nodded as Touya found his voice.

"I don't think that will be possible."

The silence grew, and then Yue finally stood, cleaning up after their lunch and then leaving the room.

"He'll deal with it in his own way," I said quietly at last.

"I hope so," Touya replied, unconvinced.  His eyebrows were knit tightly together, with a small crease between them that had been growing deeper for the past month.

I smiled more, trying to will him to follow suit.  "You'll be going home at last."

"I've missed Sakura," he allowed, and it seemed like his smile escaped despite himself.  "Do you know how long--?"

"Tomorrow."

That's all we said.  It was all that needed to be said between us.  He stood, touching my shoulder to offer comfort even though I'd tried so hard to hide that I needed it.  He went to find Yue, to make everything as right as he could in what time he had.

None of us slept that night.  I think Yue and I both were memorizing everything about our lover before we had to say goodbye.  For Yue it would be a very long time before they would find each other again.

For me, this was a more permanent goodbye.

And suddenly, in the middle of the day when we paused for a meal, he was simply gone.

 

Yue mourned as if Touya had died.  This was my creation's first real goodbye, and he didn't handle it well.  Life turned upside down, and I pushed our move forward faster in hopes that the change of location would help ease the pain.

I realized too late that I'd made a huge mistake with that decision.  Instead of removing painful reminders, I'd only ripped away all the security Yue had known.  At times he was distant, at times he was irritable and snappish, but worst of all was that not a night passed where he slipped into tears when he thought I was sleeping.

Two years of this, and I made another mistake in my desperation.  I told myself I made the card as a safety measure, in case anything went wrong with the other cards, but the real reason I created The Void was to erase Yue's never ending sorrow.

I removed Touya from his memory, from his heart, to give him what peace I could.  To turn him into the sweet and adoring angel I had fallen in love with again.

To erase the reminder I saw in his eyes of my own loss.

It almost worked.  It took more time, and I created Cerberus as another distraction, along with some of my more frivolous cards.  The reward came when Yue smiled again, but he never regained the sweet innocence he'd had before Touya left us.

My colleague, Yuuko, chided me for my decisions.  Well, perhaps "chided" is too mild a word.  Berated constantly and loudly, except when drunk, is more like it.  And once I found that exception, I shamelessly exploited it.

Life grew more stable, until Yue could convince himself that it's how life had always been.

And finally, I knew how Touya must have felt when I woke up one day and realized it was my time, as well.  And I left this world with a smile, knowing that upon my passing my angel would find love again.


	12. Pax Deorum

### Yue

 

My heart stopped when the lights came back up.  The darkness that had swirled through the room when Sakura had blown out the candles had been spun of magic, and it had taken more willpower than I thought I'd had not to change my form so that I could defend Sakura from this unexpected attack.  For that moment, I'd had a rush of energy that had me on the edge until I realized it was Eriol's doing.  I relaxed, trusting Clow even in this new incarnation.  But when the lights came up I was thrown into a conflicted meltdown I'd thought was years behind me.

Touya had collapsed on the floor, and Eriol was leaning over him with patently false concern on his face.

"Oniichan!" Sakura screamed, forgetting the cake.

I was just as bad.  "Touya!"

Daidouji Tomoyo was an island of calm in what could have become a raging sea.  She gave Touya a concerned look and then ushered everyone else into another room, coaxing Sakura into coming with her and eliciting a promise from Eriol that he'd update them on what was wrong.

"What did you do to him?" I whispered fiercely under the sound of the others trying to start the party anew.

Clow's smile met me calmly with false innocence.  "I wouldn't do anything to harm him, Yue."

"That doesn't answer my question," I said, picking Touya up and carrying him to his old bedroom upstairs.

Eriol followed, but I could have cared less at that point.  I was worried, and a little upset that Eriol was doing even more to upset the order of things.  This time it wasn't even necessary.  What was he thinking, doing something with Touya like this on Sakura's birthday?  As if the day hadn't been bad enough already....

"Have I ever done anything of this sort that wasn't necessary?"

Sometimes, lately, I hated Clow's idea of "necessary".  I sat down on the bed next to Touya and brushed hair out of his face.  "What did you do?" I asked again, refusing to look at the young man who both was and was not Clow.  It made my head hurt at times, with how much I resented him and loved him all at once.  I thought he'd loved me more than anything, but I had been so easily replaced, and the years since Eriol had entered my life had only increased the sting of that rejection.

Eriol nodded, standing next to me but not making any move of consolation or comfort.  "I was helping to grant Sakura-chan's birthday wish."

"Putting her brother in a coma was her wish?"  I wouldn't put it past her if he'd still been tormenting her on a daily basis, but those days were long past.  I looked up at Eriol, puzzled by what he could mean.

"No, not this year," he said, smiling gently.  "The two of you haven't been getting along very well lately, have you?"

I was confused for a moment with his abrupt change of subject.  Sakura and I hadn't--what?  No, he gave Touya a significant look and I understood what he meant.  I sighed, slumping a little in defeat.  No, we'd been fighting a lot, and when we weren't fighting there was an insurmountable barrier between us.  I wasn't who he wanted anymore.  Not since the truth had removed the wall between who he had known, and who I had always been.

Eriol didn't wait for my train of thoughts to run their course.  "There is still enough of Clow in me that I'd do nearly anything for you to be happy again.  You deserve that much, after all you have been through, and all I have put you through."

Didn't he know it wrenched my heart more when he talked like that?  From one sentence to another, he went from divorcing himself from Clow to representing him.

I held my tongue though, and just continued to look at Touya.

Eriol leaned against the wall and I heard him shrug.  "Can you trust me one more time, Yue?"

I nodded automatically, but I wasn't sure if I meant it anymore.  "How is this supposed to make me happy?"

"If I could take back one mistake Clow made, it would be this one," he said thoughtfully, and I looked over at him and the wistful look on his face.  He was growing up, and looking both more and less like Clow every time I saw him.  His hair remained short, and he stubbornly chose glasses with a different frame even when style nearly repeated what had been familiar to me for so long.  He flaunted different choices, even as his smile, his eyes, and his face were all hauntingly close to who he had once been.

"Clow didn't make mistakes," I complained, sounding like a petulant child even to myself.

He didn't laugh, though.  He put a hand on my shoulder and shook his head.  "You're the only one who would say such a thing.  You're wrong, though."  He sat down next to me.  "I remember too clearly things that you cannot."

"From before I was created?" I asked, taking some small satisfaction from watching him flinch from my words.

"Memories that were taken from you," he began, and then broke off suddenly before Sakura knocked on the door and opened it slowly.

"Will he be okay?" she asked, eyes full of worry.

Eriol smiled and stood with considerably more life than before.  "Of course.  I'm sorry to have worried you like this."

"So it was you," she said, frowning a little.  "Why?"

"Can you trust me, Sakura-chan?"

"Yes," she said immediately.  There wasn't even a hint of hesitation, and I was amazed all over again that she was always so trusting and kind.  In a different way, I loved her as much as I had loved Clow.  Despite myself, I was buoyed by her utter faith and I smiled just because she was smiling again.

"Thank you," Eriol said with an even more genuine smile, before he turned more thoughtful.  "Though, I do hope he's not like this for five entire months.  That would be a little difficult..." he trailed off.

"Five months?"  Her eyes went wide.  "Why would he be like this for five months?"

"Hmmm."  Eriol sat down again, in a chair this time.  "Because once upon a time, Clow was young and selfish."

Sakura looked blank, making one of her small nonsense sounds in confusion.

"It was partly a birthday present for you," he said, and as he spoke my head started spinning.  "I wanted to grant you something special, so I talked to Kero behind your back and arranged for the cards to work with me to grant your wish in whatever way they saw fit.  It was only after the wish took shape that I realized what had been done, though, and what the implications might be."

I frowned.  "You, and Cerberus...and you didn't think to ask me?"

"You were a little busy avoiding me," Eriol pointed out.

See?  Just like Clow, he was always right.  When would the similarities end?

"But!  You said five months!"  Sakura was starting to look a little panicked around the edges.

I closed my eyes, looking to the cards for answers.  The ones under my power, strangely enough, seemed like they'd done the most.  "The Return says he came back at the same time as he left.  He was just very tired, for some reason."

When I opened my eyes, I swear I saw Eriol blush just slightly.  That was possible?  Ah, no, it had to be my imagination.

"Then all should be fine," Eriol said with a blindingly bright smile.  "I hope you'll forgive me for my deception yet again, Sakura.  It was with the best of intentions."

She nodded, looking as confused as I felt.  "But, what happened?  Where did Oniichan go?  I mean, to what time?"

Eriol leaned forward.  "He was sent to a time when Yue was young, so that he could understand what is happening now better.  I know it was an...educational experience for him.  So, he just needs to wake up again and all will be well.  My work here is done."  He stood, hands clasped behind his back, smile wider than it had any business being.

"Did it work?"  I frowned, trying to find some hint or strand of memory that supported what he was saying, but nothing came to me.  "Why don't I remember this?"

Eriol looked away, toward the window, and the smile was finally gone.  He looked haunted by the memories that overcame him now.  "They were erased.  They were taken from you, so that they couldn't hurt you anymore."

Sakura looked as alarmed as I felt, but I hid it as well as I was able.  "How?"

"It was before I'd come to fully understand The Void," he said, clearly absorbed in the memories now.  "You were sad for years and couldn't accept that he'd gone.  I didn't see a choice at the time, and wanted to see you happy again.  I know now I should not have, but it is too late for me to undo that damage."

Sakura shifted, as if she wanted to say something, but at that moment Touya let out a moan and curled up on his side.  At almost the same moment, Tomoyo knocked on the door to tell Sakura that she had to cut the cake now or there would be a riot on top of all of the other delays that had happened.

"I should go as well," Eriol said, turning slowly toward the door.  "I'm sorry, Yue.  I hope this can make up for what happened, but if you never--"

Touya sat up, interrupting what Eriol had been in the middle of saying.

"You," he growled, piercing Eriol with a glare.

"That would be my cue to leave," Eriol said with forced levity as he started to move for the door.

"Yue," Touya said, piercing me with an intense gaze.  "Stop him, please."

I did it without hesitation, with a bit of satisfaction at the shocked look on Eriol's face as I appeared in front of the door he'd been about to escape from.  I crossed my arms over my chest and waited, letting my eyes flash their normal color just to warn him that I was in the mood to do more than just stand here to stop him if I must.

"What's the idea, messing with my sister's birthday?" Touya said, glaring at the back of Eriol's head.

For his part, Eriol cringed a bit.  He was still smiling, but it was like a child who had been caught sneaking a cookie.  "Sakura-chan forgave me."

"She forgives a lot that she shouldn't," Touya grumbled, standing unsteadily.  The last time he'd looked so weak was--

"You might be right," Eriol agreed easily, standing his ground as Touya advanced on him.

I watched them silently, noticing for the first time that Eriol was nearly as tall as Touya now.  He'd grown a lot in the last few years.  More and more like Clow....

"I can't forgive the idea of my sister being taken advantage of," Touya said darkly.

"It was never your sister I wanted to take advantage of."

It was right about there that my mind completely derailed.  The way he'd said that, and the grin Touya wore in response--

I had to be wrong, but for a moment I thought they were flirting.

No, the grin vanished in an instant, and Touya was back to how he had been before.  I took off my glasses and cleaned them off on my shirt, telling myself it was from a smudge, or the edge of the lenses catching Touya's face wrong.  That was the problem with sporting such an affectation in my "false form".

"You're a thousand years too young to take advantage of anyone else around here, kid."

Eriol's eyes sparkled with mirth.  "Ah, you're probably right."

I was starting to feel like I was the one who had been sent back in time, but brought back to a strange new world where everything was upside down and backwards.  "Touya?" I whispered in my confusion, but it was too low to be heard.

Touya stepped closer, looking intently into Eriol's eyes as if searching for something there.  "Is there any chance that...what you offered before--?"

Eriol looked thoughtful, frowning and rubbing his chin.  "I should say, 'It wasn't me who offered that.'"

Touya nodded solemnly.  "And I would answer, 'I understand, and hope that you and Kaho have a long and fulfilling future together.'  But I can't help but notice that that wasn't your answer."

"I don't know."  Eriol frowned deeper, hands falling to his side.  "I'm young, and I have an entire new world to explore, and a new desire to actually do so."

"If you ever change your mind..."  Touya trailed off.

Eriol smiled and turned back to face me.  "I should return to the party before people start to get the wrong idea."

I was too confused to offer any resistance as he slipped out of the door I'd just been guarding.  "Touya?"  I stepped closer to him, holding my hands out as if I could grasp the answers with tangible force.

"You don't remember any of it, do you Yue?"  He cupped my cheek, and it was the first time I felt like he was looking directly at me instead of searching me for something more.  He'd said my name without reservation or hesitation or resentment.

I leaned into his touch as I shook my head.  I'd always been so in love with him, and it had hurt unbearably when he'd looked at me as if I'd killed the one he loved.  "Will you tell me about it?"

I honestly didn't care if he did, as long as he kept looking at me that way.

"Tonight, when I can go into graphic detail."  He leaned closer, wrapping his other arm behind my back.

"Graphic?"  I recalled how innocent and open I'd been when I was younger, and how eager I'd been to share pleasures of the flesh with Clow.  If I'd met Touya at that time, would I have been the same with him?

"Very graphic," he whispered.

That answered that question quite nicely.

"We should go and reassure everyone that I'm fine," he said, not letting me go.

I nodded.  "We don't want everyone to get the wrong idea."  I wrapped my arms around his waist and leaned my head against his chest.  I smiled a little as I realized I'd echoed Eriol's words from a few moments ago, but I blamed it on Clow being so much a part of him, and so much an influence on me.  We couldn't help but think alike in some small ways.

A thought struck me.

"Wait."  I looked up at him.  "Back then, just how much time did you spend with Clow?"  I had a suspicion forming in the back of my mind...

Touya laughed and started to let me go, heading for the door.  "I'll tell you tonight.  In very.  Graphic.  Detail."

He was laughing as he walked out.

No.  They couldn't have.

Could they?

"Touya!  Tell me."

He was already walking down the stairs, and it was too late to expect answers.

But, had that been what he'd been talking about with Eriol?

I walked down the stairs after him, frowning as I tried to put it all together.  Everything Eriol had said tonight.  Everything Touya had said.  What little I could remember about when I was young, and what I might have done.

It was possible.

It was very possible.

I'd even say it was probable.

I put on my sweetest smile and wrapped an arm solicitously around Touya.  "I'm sorry, everyone.  I think Touya overestimates his recovery.  I should take him home and put him to bed, to be safe."

I was looking forward to a bed time story tonight, and if I was right I hoped for some demonstrations.


End file.
